


Sherlock: Words

by IBegToDreamAndDiffer



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Explicit Language, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-08 11:58:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 18,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IBegToDreamAndDiffer/pseuds/IBegToDreamAndDiffer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Greg and Mycroft totally fancy each other... well, that's what Sherlock and John say. So what happens when one of them finds out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. John's Annoying and Greg's Speechless

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【授權翻譯】Sherlock: Words (純對話)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/700517) by [Jawnlock123](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jawnlock123/pseuds/Jawnlock123)



> **Disclaimer:** Sherlock belongs to the BBC, Mark Gatiss, and Steven Moffat. The original characters are owned by Arthur Conan Doyle. I own nothing but the plot and make no money from this story.

 

**Greg's dialogue is in bold.**

John's dialogue is normal.

 

**'What are you giggling about?'**

'N-nothing.'

**'Out with it, John, I'm too tired for your antics.'**

'Me? What did I do?'

**'Crashed my crime scene.'**

'Don't be stupid, that was Sherlock, I just come along for the ride.'

**'Mm, bet you like the 'coming' part.'**

'You have a sick mind, Greg.'

**'You're the one sleeping with him.'**

'And it's fan-bloody-tastic.'

**'Not that I don't _love_ this conversation, but what the fuck are you laughing about?'**

'Oh, just something Sherlock said.'

**'Oh yeah, funny fucker now is he?'**

'Mm, especially when he's all naked and covered in jam-'

**'Shut up!'**

'Well you asked...'

**'Just... for fuck sake John, why do I bother?'**

'Dunno, because I'm charming?'

**'You're not my type.'**

'Speaking of types...'

**'Yes...?'**

'Well...'

**'John, remember when I said, 'why do I bother'?'**

'Alright, I'll tell you, but remember I'm just relaying what Sherlock said, alright?'

**'Yeah, yeah.'**

'Well... it seems that... Mycroft Holmes... fancies someone.'

**'...'**

'Honestly.'

**'You _must_ be lying.'**

'Why would I lie about Mycroft Holmes having the hots for someone?'

**'Dunno; you're weird? Maybe your mind's warped from living with Sherlock.'**

'I was warped before I met him.'

**'Wait, so you're telling me Mycroft Holmes, _the_ British Government... actually fancies someone?'**

'Yes.'

**'Like, another human being?'**

'Yes.'

**'Mycroft Holmes?'**

'Well, he doesn't fancy himself-'

**'You know what I mean!'**

'Yes, alright? Sherlock's older brother apparently, _apparently_ , fancies someone.'

**'And where'd you hear this?'**

'Sherlock told me, I _did_ say that.'

**'Right... right... erm, any idea... who?'**

'Why are you blushing?'

**'I ain't blushing.'**

'Yeah you are.'

**'Am not.'**

'And you talk funny when you're embarrassed, kind of cockny.'

**'John!'**

'Why do you care?'

**'I... I don't...'**

'...'

**'I don't _really_ care.'**

'Greg, don't lie to me.'

**'I ain't... not, I'm _not_ lying.'**

'Sure, sure.'

**'Maybe I just want to blackmail him, think of that?'**

'You're a cop.'

**'And you're a doctor; thus ends this thrilling game of, 'What Do You Do For A Living?' Now, back to my previous question; _who does Mycroft Holmes fancy_?'**

'You're a riot, you know that?'

**'I do in fact.'**

'You go from charming to annoying to charming again in three seconds.'

**'And...?'**

'Just something Sherlock pointed out when he said Mycroft fancied you.'

**'...'**

'I thought you wanted to know.'

**'...'**

'Greg?'

**'...'**

'Um... nervous breakdown?'

**'...'**

'Can you breathe?'

**'...'**

'I'm going to take the fact that you're still standing as a yes... um, well, I'm serious you know. Mycroft turned up this morning with a case for Sherlock. Of _course_ Sherlock refused and Mycroft threatened to call you and have you ban Sherlock from cases. And then Sherlock said, and I quote, ' _Oh, yes, use me as an excuse to call your boyfriend_ '. I thought Mycroft was going to shout or roll his eyes, maybe even hit Sherlock. I did _not_ expect him to blush and stutter and drop the file. So then Sherlock got all high-and-mighty, spouting out about what traits of yours Mycroft found alluring; your eyes, your body, your hair. Apparently Mycroft really likes your hair...'

**'... Um...'**

'Oh, you're alive.'

**'Ah... y-yeah...'**

'So...'

**'M-Mycroft...?'**

'Fancies you? Apparently. Sherlock said so, Mycroft never confirmed it. _But_ he didn't deny it either. And he was blushing like a little boy with a crush and stumbling over his words. Quite endearing, actually. He'd probably be my type if I wasn't with Sherlock.'

**'...'**

'Don't look so pissed, I'm not going after him.'

**'What? I didn't say anything.'**

'The phrase, 'If looks could kill', comes to mind.'

**'Don't be stupid, John.'**

'Oh my God.'

**'What?'**

'Oh my God.'

**'What?!'**

'Oh my-'

**'JOHN!'**

'You fancy Mycroft!'

**'W-what? I do not, why would you say that, I do _not_ , I don't even... no, John, no, no, no, _no_!'**

'Yeah, well _that_ was convincing.'

**'Shut up!'**

'Greggie fancies Mikey, Greggie fancies Mikey...'

**'I'll fucking hit you, I swear to God.'**

'Nah ah, Sherlock'd break into your flat.'

**'So? I'd organise a drug's bust.'**

'And Sherlock would dye your shirts pink again.'

**'And Mycroft would have Sherlock sent to Israel, _again_.'**

'Ooh, Mycroft comes to your defence? Well isn't that _cute_.'

**'John...'**

'So come on, be straight with me... well, be gay with me, do you fancy him?'

**'Be gay with... what?'**

'Well it seemed a stupid choice of words when I'm asking you if you fancy another bloke.'

**'John, you're giving me a headache.'**

'And you, Gregory, are avoiding the question. So, now, honestly; do. You. Like. _Mycroft_?'

**'...'**

'I've got all day, Greg.'

**'...'**

'Sherlock's in a mood, I'd actually rather stand at a crime scene with you for four hours.'

**'... I...'**

'Waiting...'

**'I maybe...'**

'Yes...?'

**'Kind of...'**

'For fuck sake-'

**'I like him.'**

'Sorry, what was that? Speak up, I'm a little hard of hearing.'

**'I fancy him.'**

'Another mumble, _do_ use your words, Greg-'

**'I LIKE HIM!'**

'There you go, out in the open now; and look, you don't even have to tell your team that you're gay.'

**'Fuck you.'**

'Tut, tut.'

**'You've been spending far too much time with Sherlock.'**

'With him, in him, same difference.'

**' _John_.'**

'Anywho, Mycroft fancies you, you want to bugger him; win-win.'

**'W-what? Who said I wanted to-to...'**

'Oh, just fancy him for his money, do you? Why Gregory Lestrade, you filthy little who-'

**'John, for the love of God.'**

'For the love of the Holmeses. Come on.'

**'Let go of me!'**

'No.'

**'John!'**

'Greg, Mycroft will be at 221B at 12 o'clock. It is currently... 11:15. So, your team can do without you for a bit why you come back to mine, admit you want to shag Mycroft, and share some nice fluffy kisses.'

**'... Were you ever normal?'**

'No, don't think so.'

**'J-John?'**

'Yeah?'

**'Does he... did he really _blush_?'**

'Yep.'

**'And stutter?'**

'Yep.'

**'...'**

'Ah, look at Greggie grinning.'

**'Shut up.'**


	2. Sherlock's Sexy and John Has Adorable Hair

 

**Sherlock's dialogue is in bold.**

John's dialogue is normal.

 

**'John?'**

'Yes, love?'

**'Why did you pull Lestrade out of a taxi?'**

'He refused to get out voluntairily.'

' **I see.'**

'...'

**'John?'**

'Yes, Sherlock?'

**' _Why_ did Lestrade not want to get out voluntairily?'**

'I told him Mycroft was coming over.'

**'And...?'**

'Well...'

**'Lestrade is smoking again.'**

'Stop staring at him.'

**'I can stare at whoever I want. I am in my flat, in my dressing gown, looking throguh _my_ window-'**

' _Our_ window.'

**'Whatever.'**

'Say it.'

**'But John-'**

'I'm waiting, Sherlock.'

**'Fine, fine; _our window_.'**

'Don't roll your eyes at me.'

**'I'm not rolling my eyes, John.'**

'Yes you are, Sherlock.'

**'Am not.'**

'Are too.'

**'Am not.'**

'Are- God, why are we fighting?'

**'You started it.'**

' _Anyway_ , I dragged Greg out... wait, smoking? I thought he quit?'

**'Oh, so _you're_ allowed to stare out of the window but not me?'**

'Yes.'

**'You're a weird man, John Watson.'**

'Amazingly, you're not the first person to say that to me today.'

**'Lestrade was working a case, why is he here?'**

'He shouldn't smoke, smoking's bad.'

**'Well duh, he's forty-seven, I do believe he knows that.'**

'And you're thirty-four yet somehow don't know it.'

**'... I don't smoke.'**

'Yes you do.'

**'Well, not anymore; I quit, remember?'**

'Sherlock, don't lie to me.'

**'I'm not lying, I _have_ quit.'**

'Oh, really?'

**'Yes.'**

'You sure about that?'

**'Quite sure.'**

'Don't want to... you know, tell me the truth?'

**'I _am_ telling the truth, John.'**

'...'

**'Oh.'**

'Yeah.'

**'I... didn't know you knew about those.'**

'You didn't think I knew about you hiding cigarettes in my dressing gown?'

**'Well you barely ever wear it.'**

'Except when I have a migraine. When my head hurts I have some tea, walk around the flat in my jim jams, and wear my dressing gown.'

**'Right...'**

'And what was I doing yesterday?'

**'Drinking tea, walking around the flat, and wearing your pyjamas.'**

'Yes.'

**'So...'**

'I know you have a cigarette when you get bored; I smelt it on you yesterday.'

**'Oh.'**

'Yes, Sherlock.'

**'I'm... sorry?'**

'You're quitting, alright? No secret stashes or anything; cold turkey.'

**'But _John_ -'**

'No whining either.'

**'John-'**

'No sex.'

**'JOHN!'**

'No sex, Sherlock, I told you that.'

**'You're witholding sex because I smoke?'**

'No, I'm witholding sex because you lied to me. Sherlock, you're a grown man, I can't stop you smoking. I don't appreciate you lying to me about said smoking. So; no. Sex. For. A. Week.'

**'A _week_?'**

'Yes.'

**'But John-'**

'No, I don't care if you have no cases or are incredibly horny or find the way I hold my toast adorable, no sex.'

**'... you _do_ hold toast incredibly cutely.'**

'No, Sherlock.'

**'And when you wake up your hair goes all messy, very arousing.'**

'Sherlock, stop it.'

**'Stop _what_ , John?'**

'Stop being all... sexy.'

**'Am I being sexy?'**

'You bloody know you are.'

**'Yes, well...'**

'No, Sherlock, stay away.'

**'John-'**

'Three foot radius, Sherlock.'

**'But John-'**

'You're in my personal space.'

**' _John_...'**

'Sh-Sherlock...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'What are they doing?'**

'Oh yeah, just throw me aside, no worries. I mean, we weren't making out or anything.'

**'My brother is outside talking to Lestrade.'**

'So? You bastard, you bruised my lip.'

**'They're very... close...'**

' _So_...?'

**'Why is Lestrade blushing?'**

'...'

**'John, why are you giggling?'**

'I'm not giggling.'

**'Yes you are; what do you know?'**

'...'

**'John!'**

'Fine, fine; I told Greg that Mycroft sort of... fancied him.'

**'Why would you do that?'**

'Why not?'

**'My brother doesn't want Lestrade knowing.'**

'Why?'

**'The same reason you didn't want me to know that you loved me.'**

'Ah, right; embarrassed, scared of rejection, okay... but Greg likes Mycroft.'

**'He does?'**

''Course he does, Sherlock.'

**'I see...'**

'You mean you didn't know?'

**'Of course I didn't know; I thought Lestrade was straight.'**

'You thought _I_ was straight.'

**'Yes, well you were always saying, 'We're not a couple', 'We're just friends', 'I'm not gay'...'**

'Well I'm not gay.'

**'So the sex we have is... what?'**

'I'm bisexual.'

**'Ah.'**

'Yes, no one ever asked that, did they?'

**'No, John, they didn't... very clever.'**

'Thank you.'

**'I knew there was a reason I loved you.'**

'So it's not just my adorable hair?'

**'That plays a small part, I will admit.'**

'Stop looking at me like that.'

**'Why?'**

'We'll end up snogging again and we need to be here for Greg and Mycroft.'

**' _Why_?'**

'Well neither one's gonna admit they wanna shag the other, are they?'

**'That thought is truly horrifying.'**

'Sherlock-'

**'No, stop.'**

'Sher-'

**'La, la, la!'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'I thought you didn't want to kiss anymore.'**

'It's a good way to shut you up.'

**'John, they're coming upstairs.'**

'Put your game face on.'

**'My... game face?'**

'Yup; I'm gonna talk to Mycroft, you to Greg.'

**'What, why?'**

'Do you really wanna talk to your brother about sex?'

**'... no, no I don't.'**

'There you go. So sit down, shut up, and be nice.'

**'Yes, sir.'**


	3. Mycroft's A Liar and John's A Know-It-All

 

**Mycroft's dialogue is in bold.**

John's dialogue is normal.

 

'Mycroft, hello.'

**'John.'**

'Join me in the kitchen?'

**'Why?'**

'Please?'

' **... very well.'**

'Tea?'

**'I'm fine.'**

'I think you should have some tea.'

**'Clearly entering a sexual relationship with my brother has ruined your manners.'**

'Fine, fine; Mr Holmes, sir, I really think you should have some tea. And maybe a chair.'

**'Why?'**

'Please?'

**'Fine. Now, I'm seated and you're making tea.'**

'Lovely, isn't it?'

**'That is not the word I would use, no.'**

'What, you don't like me?'

**'I never said that.'**

'You act like it.'

**'While I didn't think much of you when we first met, John, now I know for certain that you are a brave man and do wonderful things for my brother.'**

'... um... thanks?'

**'You're welcome.'**

'Here we are then.'

**'Thank you... you know how I like my tea?'**

'Milk, one sugar, yeah?'

**'Yes.'**

'I actually _do_ listen to you when you talk, Mycroft.'

**'It seems you are one of the few.'**

'I'm sure Anthea does.'

**'Anthea?'**

'Your assistant.'

**'Ah, yes.'**

'Oh, right, her name's not Anthea.'

**'No it isn't.'**

'... what is it?'

**'Fancy another chance at her, John?'**

'No, I'm happy with Sherlock.'

**'I'm glad to hear it.'**

'Mm... so, there's something I wanted to talk to you about.'

**'I thought there might be.'**

'Oh?'

**'We have never had tea before, John, especially with my brother in the other room. So, what is it?'**

'Well... this is a little hard.'

**'You're a doctor, John. You're used to telling patients they're dying.'**

'It's not the same thing.'

**'And you've killed people, both during and after the war. I'd think taking a life would be harder than talking to me.'**

'It's not the talking, it's the subject.'

**'And that subject would be?'**

'G-Greg.'

**'Gregory?'**

'Yes.'

**'And why do you wish to talk to me about Gregory?'**

'Well... remember yesterday?'

**'The day that happened less then 24 hours ago? Yes, I do remember it.'**

'No, I meant what Sherlock said when you were here.'

**'Sherlock says a lot of things, John, you cannot expect me to remember everything.'**

'I thought he said you have eidetic memory.'

**'I do not believe in such terms for a mind like my own.'**

'Neither of you are very humble, are you?'

**'Why be humble when we are the smartest men on earth?'**

'And here I thought this would be easy.'

**'My apologies, please continue.'**

'Well... remember what Sherlock said about... about Greg?'

**'... yes...'**

'About you... you fancying him?'

**'... I... I do remember that, vaguely.'**

'Right, well... I wanted to-to talk to you about... about that...'

**'What is there to talk about? Sherlock made some unfounded deductions based on my saying I would call Gregory. He could very well say the same thing if I called the Prime Minister.'**

'... you fancy the PM?'

**'No, John, and I do not have feelings for Gregory.'**

'He's a good bloke.'

**'I am aware that Gregory is a fine man, that does not necessarily mean I have romantic feelings for him. I am also aware that _you_ are a good man; does that mean I like you?'**

'God, I hope not.'

**'...'**

'Just... well, you went a bit red.'

**'When?'**

'When Sherlock said you fancied Greg.'

**'I have no idea what you're talking about.'**

'Just gonna deny it?'

**'There is nothing to deny.'**

'What about the stuttering?'

**'Stuttering?'**

'You stuttered when Sherlock said something about Greg's hair.'

**'I did no such thing.'**

'And dropping the file?'

**'It slipped from my hand.'**

'And the panting?'

**'I was not panting!'**

'Why are you yelling?'

**'I... I'm not...'**

'Yeah you are.'

**'No, I am not.'**

'Uh-huh.'

**'Is there something else you needed, Doctor Watson? I am a busy man.'**

'See, now you're calling me Doctor Watson.'

**'And...?'**

'You only do that when you're annoyed.'

**'I _am_ annoyed.'**

'About...?'

**'About you believing that I have romantic feelings for one of Sherlock's acquaintances.'**

'Friend, he's a friend.'

**'Is Sherlock calling him that?'**

'Sherlock has trouble admitting that you're his brother.'

**'Yes, well...'**

'And that I'm his boyfriend. He just kind of rambles on when people ask before finishing with, ' _He's the most important person in my life_ '. Kind of sweet, really.'

**'My congratulations to you both. Now, I have places to be.'**

'Mycroft, please sit down.'

**'No, I don't believe I will.'**

'Don't make me force you.'

**'... _you_ are going to force _me_ to sit?'**

'I've killed people before, remember?'

**'So have I.'**

'I bet I've done it more recently.'

**'You would lose.'**

'Well then, you try to leave and I'll try to stop you. Let's see who wins.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Fine.'**

'There we go, was that hard?'

**'Very.'**

'Now, Greg-'

**'Please stop with this nonsense.'**

'What's the problem?'

**'I believe we just discussed that.'**

'No, I _tried_ to discuss it and you skirted around the issue.'

**'I did not _skirt_ -'**

'Yeah you did.'

**'No, I didn't-'**

'You're a politician, you skirt around everything.'

**'You are very annoying, John.'**

'I've been told.'

**'Please believe me when I say that I do _not_ have feelings for Gregory.'**

'So why do you always call him Gregory?'

**'That _is_ his name.'**

'You could call him Greg.'

**'...'**

'Okay, well... you don't always call _me_ John; most of the time it's Doctor Watson. When did Greg go from DI Lestrade to Gregory?'

**'I have known him for seven years.'**

'And how many of those years have you been in love with him?'

**'I am _not_ -'**

'In love with him; blah, blah.'

**'...'**

'Now see, that's the same expression Greg had on his face earlier.'

**'I beg your pardon?'**

''If looks could kill'-'

**'You would be dead right now.'**

'He didn't say _that_.'

**'What _did_ he say?'**

'Why are you so interested?'

**'I am mildly curious.'**

'Mm-hmm.'

**'I am.'**

'No, when you're really interested in something you get that look on your face.'

**'What look?'**

'That one right there.'

**'So you can read people now, is that it?'**

'Just you and Sherlock; I have a special way with Holmeses.'

**'I see, well aren't you lucky.'**

'I would say lucky, some people would say mad... or weird, people keep calling me weird.'

**'You _are_ very strange.'**

'I take that as a compliment.'

**'I'm not sure I meant it to be one.'**

'Now don't be mean.'

**' _Me_? You are the one keeping me here to talk about feelings that do not exist.'**

'Is it 'cause Greg's a bloke?'

**'Pardon?'**

'Is that why you're denying it? 'Cause Greg's a man?'

**'You are now being ridiculous, Doctor Watson.'**

'Back to being Doctor Watson.'

**'If you _must_ know, which I'm sure you're probably curious about, I am, in fact, completely gay.'**

'Oh.'

**'Yes and I have been all my life, thank you very much.'**

'So... not denying it 'cause he's a bloke.'

**'...'**

'Don't sigh.'

**'I merely had an excess amount of air in my lungs.'**

'... and you call _me_ strange.'

**'May I go now, John, or is there something else you wanted to discuss?'**

'Are you with me someone?'

**'What?'**

'Well, maybe you like Greg but you're married or-'

**'I am not married; gay couples cannot legally marry in Britain.'**

'Civil ceremony then.'

**'No.'**

'You wear a ring-'

**'My late father's wedding ring and it is on my right hand, not my left.'**

'Ah... sorry.'

**'Why are you apologising? You didn't kill him.'**

'No, just... God, you Holmeses make it impossible to have a normal conversation.'

**'And yet here you are.'**

'Just... why deny it? If you're gay and not with anyone, why not admit that you like Greg?'

**'Because I don't.'**

'He's a DI.'

**'I am aware of that.'**

'Good job.'

**'Yes.'**

'He's brave.'

**'I know-'**

'Handsome'

**'... um...'**

'Lovely dark eyes.'

**'... I... I...'**

'He's got that spiky hair; you know, all grey and messy. And tanned skin... large hands, well you know what they say about that.'

**'...'**

'He wears that cologne, that one that smells like... dunno, it's just a Greg smell. And his smile, have you noticed his smile?'

**'...'**

'Kind of boyish and mysterious, like he knows something you don't-'

**'Please stop.'**

'Why?'

**'Just... please...'**

'Why, Mycroft? Thinking about Greg, are you?'

**'N-no...'**

'He's right out there, you can probably see him if you turn around.'

**'...'**

'You look like you've been superglued to the chair.'

**'...'**

'Sherlock did that to himself once; I left him there all night.'

**'...'**

'Anyway, what was I saying? Ah, yes, his _lips_ -'

**'I get the point, John.'**

'Do you?'

**'Yes.'**

'And what _is_ my point?'

**'That...'**

' _That_...'

**'Gregory is...'**

' _Is_...?'

**'...'**

'Yes?'

**'He is... erm... h-handsome.'**

'Why yes he _is_ , isn't he, Mycroft? I didn't think you'd noticed.'

**'Anyone with a set of eyes can see that Gregory is a handsome man.'**

'Mm, smells nice too, doesn't he?'

**'Why have you noticed his smell?'**

'Jealous, are you?'

**'N-no...'**

'Sure you aren't. Well, don't worry, I'm happy with Sherlock. Not that Greg isn't a handsome, brave, absolutely fuckable-'

**'John!'**

'Yes?'

**'Please refrain from using such vulgar words to describe him.'**

'Why? He's my mate, I'm sure he'd say the same about me.'

**'He most certainly would not.'**

'Why not?'

**'You are not his type.'**

'And what _is_ his type? Six-foot tall politicians?'

**'I am six-one.'**

'Oh, so six-foot- _one_ politicians.'

**'I didn't mean-'**

'With red-brown hair?'

**'No-'**

'Blue eyes?'

**'Doctor Watson-'**

'Mysterious, dramatic-'

**'I am _not_ dramatic!'**

'You are so.'

**'...'**

'Well, while that's not _my_ type... actually, you and Sherlock are kind of similar in... well, everything.'

**'So you're saying I'm your type?'**

'Nah, I prefer darker hair... and adventure. You seem more the sit at home and read type. Plus your hair kind of goes red in the sun.'

**'Why have you been staring at my hair?'**

'Someone else pointed it out.'

**'Who?'**

'Greg.'

**'Oh...'**

'Yeah, so that means he's noticed you.'

**'And... why would that interest me?'**

'Dunno...'

**'Have you always been this annoying?'**

'Pretty much but I think Sherlock's brought out my inner brat.'

**'I agree with you there.'**

'So anyway, Greg's noticed you and you've noticed Greg.'

**'I have _not_ -'**

'Stop lying!'

**'...'**

'Jesus Christ, I can _see_ that you like him! You blush, you stutter, you stare at him. God, we've spent the past ten minutes talking about him and you've shifted about like your chair's too hot.'

**'It is... uncomfortable.'**

'More like you've got wood and you're trying to hide it.'

**'John!'**

'It's a natural thing.'

**'Please stop.'**

'Especially when thinking about sexy Detective Inspectors.'

**'...'**

'See, you've got a faraway look in your eyes; thinking about him?'

**'N-no...'**

'You used to be such a good liar.'

**'I still am.'**

'Except about this.'

**'...'**

'Why deny it, Mycroft? S'not like I'm gonna make fun of you.'

**'You're... not?'**

'Why would I? Greg's a good bloke and so are you, theatrics and power complex aside. You two'd be good together.'

**'We... we would?'**

'Yeah. You'd understand him having to dash off to help Sherlock and he'd understand you leaving the country for a week. You're both workaholics who smoke, or used to smoke, who care about Sherlock, and who are very, very weird.'

**'I am _not_ weird.'**

'Yeah you are.'

**'I am not.'**

'But you _are_ in love with Greg.'

**'...'**

'Gonna admit it now?'

**'I...'**

'I've got all day, Mycroft.'

**'I...'**

'Yes...?'

**'For fuck sake, _fine_ ; I like Gregory.'**

'Wow, I've never heard you swear.'

**'Happy?'**

'Immensely.'

**'Now, I must go.'**

'What? Why?'

**'Gregory is right out there and I have no wish to watch his reaction to you telling him.'**

'Oh...'

**'John?'**

'I've... well, I've already told him.'

**'...'**

'Maybe you should sit down, you've gone a bit pale.'

**'...'**

'Mycroft? Sit down, mate.'

**'You told him?'**

'What?'

**'You told him?!'**

'Um... maybe.'

**'Maybe or yes?'**

'Yes.'

**'JOHN!'**

'Shh, they'll hear you.'

**'What the fuck did you tell him for?'**

'You swear a lot.'

**'John...'**

'Sorry, but... I had to, it was too funny.'

**'My liking him is funny?'**

'Well I always thought you were asexual. Then the way you acted when Sherlock was going on about his hair, it was just so cute.'

**'I am _not_ cute.'**

'I don't think so but Greg probably does.'

**'I need to leave.'**

'No, don't.'

**'Let go of me!'**

'Sit down.'

**'Never!'**

'SIT!'

**'...'**

'There, not so hard.'

**'I dislike you.'**

'Whatever.'

**'How could you tell him?'**

'We _just_ went over that.'

**'You are trying my patience, John.'**

'Sorry, but... well, you'd be interested to know his reaction.'

**'Did he run screaming from the building?'**

'We were outside.'

**'Screaming across the park, then?'**

'Park?'

**'I am aware of the case he is currently working.'**

'Oh, you check up on him? That's so cute.'

**'...'**

'Now, now, no need to look so... murderous.'

**'...'**

'He didn't scream, he kind of... stood there.'

**'Stood there?'**

'Yes.'

**'And did...?'**

'Nothing for a while. Then he went all red and... well...'

**'Well what?'**

'Um, I'm not sure it's my place to say.'

**'John, you cannot keep this from me. I need to assess the damage.'**

'Damage?'

**'I need to know if I can face Gregory in the next week or avoid him for the following year.'**

'Don't avoid him.'

**'Why ever not?'**

'Well, he... he, um...'

**'John-'**

'He likes you.'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'...'**

'Did you hear me?'

**'...'**

'He... it's the truth, alright? I'm not lying, I wouldn't do that; you know me, I'm not a bastard. When I told Greg you liked him he admitted, after about five minutes, that he liked you too.'

**'...'**

'Um... are you just gonna sit there all day?'

**'... what?'**

'Hello there.'

**'What...'**

'Still with us?'

**'He... Gregory likes me?'**

'Yes.'

**' _Me_?'**

'Yes.'

**'Mycroft Holmes?'**

'I'm getting the strange sense of deja-vu.'

**'What?'**

'Greg did that too; asked if I was right, if you really fancied him, Mycroft Holmes, him, blah, blah.'

**'...'**

'Yes, Greg likes you.'

**'Are you sure?'**

'Absolutely.'

**'How...'**

'Maybe 'cause you're hot?'

**'...'**

'You are, Mycroft. Don't get me wrong, I love Sherlock, but you've got a certain aristocratic way about you. Add in the mystery and genius thing... well, you're quite a catch.'

**'I... I am?'**

'Most definitely.'

**'And... he likes me?'**

'Yes.'

**'...'**

'Ah, look at you blushing.'

**'I am _not_ blushing.'**

'Sure, sure. Now, onto more pressing matters; you and Greg going out.'

**'What?!'**

'You like him, he likes you, the next step is to date.'

**'No, absolutely not.'**

'Why not?'

**'I... no.'**

'Mycroft, come on-'

**'I would just embarass myself.'**

'Why?'

**'I haven't... I haven't d-dated in...'**

'Ever?'

**'Years.'**

'Oh, right. Well, it hasn't changed. Nice dinner, maybe a kiss- oh, blushing again.'

**'I hate you.'**

'Do not; you need me.'

**'Why?'**

'I can find out his favourite restaurant.'

**'I already know that.'**

'Food?'

**'Yes, that too.'**

'All set then.'

**'No-'**

'I bet you know when his next day off is too.'

**'... well...'**

'Excellent. So ask him out.'

**'I can't.'**

'Why?'

**'Sherlock is here.'**

'Do it outside.'

**'What if I fail?'**

'Greg knows you, Mycroft, he'll understand what you mean.'

**'But I have been known to stutter when talking about Gregory.'**

'He'll get it in the end.'

**'Okay...'**

'So you're going to ask him out?'

**'Maybe...'**

'If you don't I'll call Anthea, get your home number, and stalk you until you do.'

**'...'**

'I'm serious.'

**'Fine, fine, I will ask Gregory out.'**

'Excellent... wait, I think he's going, better hurry now.'

**'... John?' ******

'Yeah?'

**'Thank you.'**

'No worries.'

**'You and Sherlock are perfect together.'**

'Why do you say that?'

**'You are both insufferable.'**

'I know.'


	4. Sherlock's A Prat and Greg's Pissed

 

**Sherlock's dialogue is in bold.**

Greg's dialogue is normal.

 

**'Sit down, Lestrade.'**

'Why?'

**'No need to look at me like that.'**

'Like what?'

**'Like you think I've killed someone.'**

'... have you?'

**'No.'**

'Okay... um, why is your brother having tea with John?'

**'Why do you care what Mycroft's doing?'**

'I don't!'

**'You said that very quickly.'**

'Your point?'

**'Mycroft and John are busy. So, sit.'**

'Why are you asking me to sit?'

**'John told me you might prefer to sit for this conversation.'**

'What conversation?'

**'You like my brother.'**

'WHAT?!'

**'John told me.'**

'...'

**'You look like a fish gaping for air... and John was right about you needing to sit.'**

'That son of a fucking-'

**'Now, now, Detective, no need for that language.'**

'Fuck you, Sherlock.'

**'Why Mycroft?'**

'What?'

**'Why Mycroft?'**

'Did you know that repeating the same words after I've said _what_ , doesn't actually make anything any clearer.'

**'... why Mycroft?'**

'I'm this close to killing you.'

**'And again I ask; why Mycroft? Why do you like _him_?'**

'... er, I never said that I did.'

**'Oh please, Lestrade, I can tell.'**

'So why have you never said anything then?'

**'I didn't notice until John told me. Now that he has pointed it out I know what to look for. Oh, and was that you admitting it?'**

'... no.'

**'You tire me, Inspector.'**

'S'what I'm good at.'

**'...'**

'Why do you always feel the need to roll your eyes?'

**'I have no control over them.'**

'You have no control over your mouth either.'

**'There's no need to mumble your insults, I welcome them.'**

'Fuck you.'

**'I'm certain that's not what you said ten seconds ago but I'll let it pass. So, back to our original topic-'**

'You being a prat?'

**'No, you liking Mycroft.'**

'I don't-'

**'Every single time I have said his name, you have gulped. You have also been rubbing your palms against your trousers. You have stopped yourself from turning around to look at him four times and your pupils are dilated. Now, should I rattle off another five deductions that make your attraction obvious or should you just admit it now?'**

'... I haven't looked at him.'

**'You want to.'**

'Do not.'

**'Scratch that, make it _five_ times you've nearly turned around.'**

'Fuck you, Sherlock.'

**'Admit it, Gregory.'**

'...'

**'Oh, is only Mycroft allowed to call you that?'**

'...'

**'Pupil dilation.'**

'Fine.'

**'What?'**

'Yes, I like him, happy?'

**'Yes, I'll be doing a dance in five minutes.'**

'Hardy har.'

**'Hardy what?'**

'Never mind. Why do you even care if I like your brother?'

**'I guess I'm supposed to give you the, 'if you hurt him I'll hurt you', speech.'**

'... well, are you?'

**'No, why would I? Mycroft is perfectly capable of breaking your bones, destroying your life, and having you removed without my help.'**

'... yeah, thanks for that.'

**'What we should be discussing is what you are going to do about your feelings.'**

'I'm not going to do anything.'

**'Why?'**

'Well... I still don't believe that Mycroft actually likes me.'

**'He does.'**

'How can you be sure?'

**'When my brother likes someone he is very obvious about it, at least to me. He gave all the clear signs that he fancies you.'**

'Um...'

**'So, what are you going to do?'**

'I... dunno... oh, don't look at me like that, Sherlock!'

**'Like what?'**

'Like I'm an idiot.'

**'Well you are.'**

'One of these days, Holmes...'

**'Why don't you just ask him out?'**

'Ask him out?'

**'Isn't that what one does when they want to have sexual intercourse with another person?'**

'...'

**'Isn't it?'**

'Sherlock, I'm not sitting here talking about sexual intercourse with you.'

**'Why not?'**

'Because you're Sherlock Bloody Holmes!'

**'And...?'**

'And he's your brother!'

**'I do not need to hear what you plan on doing with him, Lestrade.'**

'Good, 'cause I'm not telling you.'

**'You'll tell John, though.'**

'W-What?'

**'He tells you about our sex life so no doubt you will tell him about yours and Mycroft's.'**

'Um, I won't... I don't... wait, Mycroft and me don't have a sex life.'

**'Mycroft and I.'**

'Stop correcting me!'

**'Start speaking proper English and I won't need to correct you.'**

'I'm going to hit you.'

**'No you won't.'**

'Why not?'

**'Because all this talk of sex and Mycroft has left you a little hard.'**

'...'

**'You're not standing for at least another five or ten minutes. So, down to business; you should ask my brother out.'**

'I-'

**'No need to be embarrassed, he will say yes.'**

'It's not that, it's just... what if I'm a horrible date?'

**'I don't understand the question.'**

'What if I'm bad and he doesn't like me any more?'

**'That's stupid.'**

'Yeah, thanks.'

**'Mycroft has had feelings for you for... at least three years, if I am to attempt a guess.'**

'Th-Three years?'

**'Yes, possibly longer. Clearly he has been sexually attracted to you for the entire seven years you two have known each other. However, it's only recently that he's realised he's in love with you.'**

'L-Love?'

**'That is what I said, yes.'**

'Before you said he fancied me.'

**'And...?'**

'There's a big difference between liking someone and loving them.'

**'...'**

'Right, look who I'm talking to.'

**'If you explain it to me I will understand.'**

'Well, you _like_ me but you _love_ John...'

**'Oh, I see.'**

'Yeah. While I'm flattered that you consider me a friend-

**'Acquaintance.'**

'- you still feel more for John, you'd do anything for him, where as you're most likely to nick my warrent card and annoy the fuck out of me.'

**'... I annoy John.'**

'Not the point. Do you get my actual point?'

**'Yes. You like Mycroft but he loves you... is that a problem?'**

'Um...'

**'Because I know for a fact that you care about Mycroft. You don't _just_ fancy him, it's something more.'**

'N-no-'

**'I can see it; don't lie to me.'**

'I'm not lying-'

**' _Gregory_ -'**

'Um...'

**'I can sit here and listen to you splutter all day, _or_ you could tell me the truth and go ask my brother out.'**

'Fine, fine, _fine_.'

**'Why did you say it three times?'**

'Shut up, would you?'

**'Never.'**

'I like Mycroft, you know that.'

**'Like or...?'**

'Sherlock, I'm warning you.'

**'No need to threaten me, Lestrade.'**

'Why do you care?'

**'Why do I care about what?'**

'Me liking Mycroft?'

**'Oh, John asked me to talk to you.'**

'Remind me to hit him.'

**'Never.'**

'So... anything else you wanted to talk about?'

**'No. Just make sure you ask Mycroft out today or John will withold sex.'**

'Good to know.'

**'Oh, and try to make Mycroft less annoying.'**

'What?'

**'If he gets sexual release he will stop annoying me every second day.'**

'You want me to sleep with your brother so he stops annoying you?'

**'Yes.'**

'I'm not going to shag him because you asked me to.'

**'No, I suppose you'll actually enjoy it.'**

'No need to look that... disgusted.'

' **He _is_ my brother.'**

'Wait, so you're both gay?'

**'I have not given myself a sexual title.'**

'What?'

**'I am neither gay or straight, or anything in between for that fact. I am what I am.'**

'Okay...'

**'But yes, Mycroft is gay; completely so.'**

'Good.'

**'I would think so, what with you wanting to sleep with him. Being gay means he won't kick you out of bed... unless you're rubbish in bed, are you rubbish in bed?'**

'Shut up, Sherlock.'

**'Make me.'**

'I'm leaving before I do something stupid.'

**'Aren't you goingt to ask my brother out?'**

'Not in front of you and John, no.'

**'Why not?'**

'You really are thick sometimes.'

**'I am not.'**

'Shut up, Sherlock.'

**'Never.'**


	5. Greg Splutters and Mycroft Stares

 

**Mycroft's dialogue is in bold.**

Greg's dialogue is normal.

 

'Mycroft, h-hello.'

**'Gregory.'**

'Um...'

**'Yes?'**

'Just... hi...'

**'Yes, you've said that.'**

'Why were you sitting in the kitchen with John?'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'Pardon?'**

'Are you okay?'

**'Yes, I'm fine, why?'**

'I asked you a question and you just kind of... stared.'

**'My apologies.'**

'Are you sure you're okay?'

**'Yes.'**

'Well... um... w-why were you in the kitchen with John?'

**'Oh, that. He wanted to... discuss something.'**

'Something...?'

**'Private.'**

'Oh, I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to... to...'

**'Are _you_ okay?'**

'Fine, just fine... um, fine.'

**'...'**

'So...'

**'Yes?'**

'N-nice weather.'

**'Gregory, we have known each other seven years.'**

'And?'

**'Surely we can think of something more interesting to discuss than the weather.'**

'O-Oh, y-yes, um... um...'

**'I believe you are working a new case?'**

'Y-Yeah, I gotta get back there actually. J-John just dragged me over here to... Mycroft?'

**'Pardon?'**

'You were staring again.'

**'Sorry.'**

'No, it's... fine.'

**'What were you saying?'**

'Are you going to listen?'

**'I always listen to you, Gregory.'**

'...'

**'Are you okay?'**

'Fine! I'm fine.'

**'You've turned a bit red, are you sick?'**

'N-No.'

**'If you are I would be more then willing to drive you home. Well, my driver will drive you home.'**

'N-No, I'm f-fine, really. I gotta get b-back to work.'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'Why are you stuttering?'**

'What?'

**'You don't usually stutter yet you have been for the past five minutes.'**

'N-No I haven't.'

**'...'**

'Um...'

**'Would you like a lift to the crime scene?'**

'Um... s-sure.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'After you, Gregory.'**

'Th-Thank you.'

**'...'**

'So...'

**'... yes?'**

'N-Nothing.'

**'What is it, Gregory?'**

'Nothing, don't worry, I was just... just thinking out loud.'

**'I see...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'Yes?'**

'Um... John said some... some things to me.'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'He did?'**

'Yeah...'

**'Okay...'**

'Well, I was just... um...'

**'Yes?'**

'No, never mind.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'How's work?'

**'As tiring as ever.'**

'Well running Britian tends to be hard work.'

**'I don't run Britain.'**

'Every time you say that I beleive it less and less.'

**'Why do you feel the need to tease me?'**

'Because it's fun.'

**'I don't see how.'**

'Well when you get nervous or embarrassed you flush just a little.'

**'I do _not_.'**

'Yes you do.'

**'Stop it.'**

'Nope.'

**'Gregory-'**

'Look, your cheeks are all pink.'

**'You tire me.'**

'...'

**'Gregory?'**

'Sorry, just... um...'

**'Staring at me?'**

'N-no.'

**'I am not that interesting to look at.'**

'Yeah you are.'

**'Am I?'**

'Well, to certain people I'm sure... sure you're quite... um... well, that is to say you're very... well... you're not at all... um... those-those suits look... well they're well fitted and... er...'

**'Is that your way of saying I'm handsome?'**

'...'

**'Good-looking?'**

'...'

**'Now you're the one who's blushing.'**

'Am not.'

**'Are too.'**

'What are you, four?'

**'Perhaps.'**

'...'

**'Gregory?'**

'Y-Yes?'

**'You're stuttering again.'**

'Am not!'

**'It's not a problem.'**

'It isn't?'

**'I've been told that I tend to stutter when certain subjects are being discussed.'**

'...'

**'Gregory?'**

'Oh, um... s-sorry.'

**'...'**

'Don't smile like that.'

**'Why not?'**

'It's all enigmatic and makes me think you know something.'

**'I know everything.'/b**

'You do not.'

**'I do too.'**

'...'

**'You learnt that from Sherlock, didn't you?'**

'Learnt what?'

**'The eye rolling.'**

'Well I learned to do it instead of saying what I wanted to say.'

**'Why don't you just speak?'**

'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.'

**'You wanted to say something rude to me?'**

'Maybe.'

**'Just say it.'**

'What? No.'

**'Gregory, I spend half my day being yelled at by my superiors and by other politicians. Also, Sherlock tends to insult me at least seventeen times every time we meet. Whatever you say will not hurt my feelings.'**

'...'

**'What?'**

'You have superiors?'

**'Of course I do.'**

'Oh, right, the Queen.'

**'I am far beneath the Queen, Gregory.'**

'That is thoroughly disgusting.'

**'What do you- _Gregory_!**

'You're the one who said it.'

**'I didn't mean _that_!'**

'Mean what?'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'No, I don't want to say it, it is digusting.'**

'What, sex with the Queen?'

**' _Gregory_!'**

'You're blushing again.'

**'And you're teasing me again.'**

'It's fun.'

**'Not from my side it's not.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'So...'

**'Yes?'**

'What... can you tell me what you and John were talking about?'

**'I'd... I'd rather not.'**

'Why?'

**'It's private.'**

'I bet I know what it's about.'

**'...'**

'And there he goes with the blush.'

**'...'**

'I bet it was what Sherlock spoke to me about.'

**'Well why don't you tell me what you and Sherlock spoke about and I will tell you what John and I spoke about.'**

'... no.'

**'Why not?'**

'It's... it's private.'

**'I said the same thing to you.'**

'Yeah, well this is d-different.'

**'Why?'**

'Just is.'

**'Gregory-'**

'No.'

**'Why won't you tell-'**

'It's private.'

**'Greg-'**

'It's embarrassing.'

**'Everything Sherlock says is embarrassing.'**

'...'

**'Gregory?'**

'...'

**'I won't push you, I'm sorry.'**

'Doesn't matter.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'John is rather annoying, don't you think?'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'I'm sorry, what?'**

'Why were you staring at me?'

**'I wasn't.'**

'Yeah you were.'

**'I most certainly was not.'**

'Mycroft, I asked you a question, you ignored me, I turned around and you were staring at my legs.'

**'No I wasn't.'**

'Why are you denying it?'

**'Because it didn't happen.'**

'I _saw_ you-'

**'No you didn't.'**

'God, you Holmeses are unbelievable.'

**'What did I do?'**

'You just denied you were staring at me!'

**'... I wasn't.'**

'For fuck sake.'

**'No need to cuss, Detective Inspector.'**

'What do you and Sherlock have against swearing?'

**'It is undignified.'**

'It's fun.'

**'No it isn't.'**

'When you hurt yourself, swearing helps.'

**'Does it bandage you up?'**

'No, but-'

**'It doesn't help.'**

'Well what about when you have sex?'

**'S-Sex?'**

'Yeah. When you're, you know, having sex, it's fun to swear really loudly.'

**'...'**

'And then you get closer and closer and you just can't help it.'

**'...'**

'And then when you actually, you know, come and everything it's fun to-'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'What the hell was that?'

**'I'm so sorry.'**

'You... you just kissed me!'

**'You have my apologies.'**

'But-'

**'Look, we're here, please leave.'**

'Mycroft-'

**'Just go, Greg, I'm sorry.'**

'...'

**'Why aren't you leaving?'**

'...'

**'Greg?'**

'You called me Greg.'

**'...'**

'You never call me Greg.'

**'...'**

'You never kiss me either.'

**'I'm sorry-'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

 **'Why did you just kiss me?** '

'You kissed me first!'

**'I didn't mean... I'm sor-'**

'...'

**'...'**

'I like this.'

**'Um-'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'Yes?'**

'Would you like to go out sometime?'

**'Yes, yes I would.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'I knew you were staring at me.'

**'Shut up and kiss me.'**


	6. Mycroft's Nervous and Greg's A Tease

 

**Mycroft's dialogue is in bold.**

Greg's dialogue is normal.

 

'Hello?'

**'Gregory, lovely to hear your voice.'**

'M-Mycroft, hi.'

**'You sound surprised.' ******

'Well, I just haven't seen you since...well...'

**'You're upset with me.'**

'No I'm not.'

**'It's understandable. We spent a considerable amount of time kissing in my car and then I disappeared for a week.'**

'I know you're busy.'

**'That doesn't excuse my thoughtlessness, I apologise.'**

'No need.'

**'I will make it up to you.'**

'It's fine, really.'

**'Oh, so you _don't_ want to accompany me to a fabulous restaraunt Friday evening?'**

'No, I do!'

**'Marvellous.'**

'So... um...'

**'Can I pick you up at seven?'**

'...'

**'Gregory? Are you laughing at me?'**

'No... well, sort of.'

**'May I ask why?'**

'It's just weird to hear you asking; usually you just tell me what to do.'

**'This is different, Gregory.'**

'It is?'

**'In our professional relationship, even our friendship, I of course will take the lead because... well, that's who I am. I can't change the man I am and I apologise for all the times I've ordered you around.'**

'S'okay.'

**'A romantic relationship is different; it's a partnership. I'd rather have you do something because you want to rather then because I ordered you to.'**

'Wow... you're really something, you know that?'

**'Is that a good thing or a bad thing?'**

'A good thing, honestly. You're all... powerful and theatrical most of the time but I'm glad our relationship won't be like that.'

**'... I am _not_ theatrical.'**

'You so are.'

**'I can see that you're going to continue teasing me.'**

'Yup.'

**'You annoy me.'**

'And I'm proud of it.'

**'I have to go now, Gregory, I apologise.'**

'No worries. So seven on Friday, right?'

**'Yes... I honestly can't wait, Gregory.'**

'Me either. I'll see you then, Mycroft.'

 

{oOo}

 

'Can I ask you something?'

**'Of course.'**

'Why didn't you ever tell me you liked me?'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'You were married.'**

'My marriage ended two years ago.'

**'Yes but I wasn't aware you were open to dating men.'**

'Don't understimate my ability to woo both genders, Mycroft.'

**'I never will again.'**

'You should have asked me out two years ago.'

**'I'm... sorry?'**

'Damn right you're sorry. We could have been shagging ages ago.'

**'...'**

'You're turning red.'

**'Well you did just plant some very nice images in my head.'**

'You dirty little man.'

**'I can't help what you do to me, Gregory.'**

'So this won't help, right?'

**'... Gregory... is that your foot?'**

'Why yes, it is.'

**'And what... what is it, erm, d-doing?'**

'I believe it's rubbing your crotch.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Please stop that.'**

'Why?'

**'It is making me... uncomfortable.'**

'Uncomfortable like you generally don't like it? Or uncomfortable like it's making you hard in a public place?'

**'... the latter.'**

'Well then I'm not stopping.'

**'Gregory, I have a reputation to uphold.'**

'And I don't?'

**'You don't seem to care.'**

'No, I don't. I can rub my foot all over your cock if I want to.'

**'...'**

'More images?'

**'Erm... y-yes.'**

'...'

**'Stop smiling like that.'**

'Sorry, I just can't believe that I'm capable of making _you_ feel that way.'

**'You are a very handsome man.'**

'I didn't think I'd be your type.'

**'Why ever not?'**

'Well, we're very different people. You're all... charming and sophisticated. I'm... you know, me.'

**'I do not understand what you just said.'**

'We're from different worlds.'

**'Unless you plan on telling me that you have arrived from Mars, I would say we occupy the same planet.'**

'You know what I mean.'

**'I honestly don't.'**

'You're rich, Mycroft; you were brought up to be... powerful, commanding, influential. My mum was just happy to see me graduate high school.'

**'I admit that our upbringings were somewhat different. However, that shouldn't stop us from connecting now.'**

'No, I know that, I just... are you sure I'll be able to keep you interested? I mean, I like reading but I've never read poetry or literature. I've never been to the opera and I'm sure you do that a lot.'

**'Only when I must. Personally I don't care for the opera, or ballet, or anything like that.'**

'... you know, I don't really know _what_ you like. What kind of music are you into?'

**'Some classical, I will admit, but mostly rock and alternative rock.'**

'Are you serious?'

**'Why would I lie?'**

'I dunno.'

**'I'm not lying.'**

'So... rock?'

**'Yes.'**

'Like who?'

**'AC/DC, The Rolling Stones, Green Day, The Offspring, Muse, The Living End, just to name a few.'**

'...'

**'Does that bother you?'**

'You just described most of my favourite bands.'

**'Really?'**

'Yes.'

**'You mentioned you like reading?'**

'Mostly anything that isn't crime, I get enough of that at work.'

**'What do you enjoy?'**

'I know this'll sound stupid, but I enjoy young adult fiction; stuff like Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, Percy Jackson, Eragon. I also like a bit of James Patterson and some Doctor Who novels. I _have_ read a lot of adult fiction; Stephen King, Matthew Reilly, Chris Ryan.'

**'That's quite a variety.'**

'I don't really have a favourite genre. I like spy stuff; James Bond, Alex Rider, the Cherub Series.'

**'Those last two are aimed at a younger audience, yes?'**

'People always look at me weirdly when I say I like reading young adult stuff. But in all honesty, sometimes adult novels get caught up in always swearing and sex and violence. With young adult stuff, it's a lot more friendship based and love based. Take Harry Potter for example; it's a story about fighting for what you believe is right and standing up for your mates. Adult novels are about revenge against whoever's wronged your partner and the two main characters always end up sleeping together. It gets a bit annoying. Also, teenagers are more demanding, the writer needs to work harder to keep their attention. You can see that in the writing.'

**'I never pegged you as the well-read type.'**

'I love reading. I don't watch much telly. I mostly buy TV shows when they come out on DVD.'

**'What are your favourites?'**

'Doctor Who, I love Doctor Who. Um, Torchwood is pretty good, I also enjoy The League Of Gentlemen. Alias, Life, House, and I like some Family Guy and Futurama.'

**'You are a diverse man, Gregory Lestrade.'**

'I'm a weirdo.'

**'Weirdos are always the best type.'**

'I haven't asked you what you like to read and watch.'

**'I'm not one for watching television, I've never had the time. Strangely I've read every book you just spoke about.'**

'Really?'

**'Like you, sometimes I find adult fiction a bit tedious. I also enjoy the classics; Oliver Twist, Mobey Dick, stuff like that. My collection is vast and diverse.'**

'So your personality is reflected in your book collection?'

**'And my music collection... Gregory, how rude of me, we haven't ordered yet.'**

'Doesn't matter, I'm enjoying myself.'

**'Greg!'**

'Yes?'

**'Your foot is back in my crotch!'**

'And...?'

**'You are a twisted man.'**

'Why thank you.'

**'You saw that as a compliment?'**

'I did.'

**'... you're a strange creature.'**

'Don't I know it.'

**'Would you like to order?'**

'As long as my foot stays right... there, then yes.'

**'Greg!'**

'Sorry, would you like me to remove my foot?'

**'...'**

'That's what I thought.'

**'Shut up and order.'**

'Yes, sir.'

 

{oOo}

 

'I didn't know you smoked.'

**'Sometimes I do. Would you like one?'**

'Sure.'

**'...'**

'Thanks for driving me home.'

**'My driver drove you home.'**

'You're so lazy.'

**'I am not.'**

'Sherlock was right.'

**'How so?'**

'You don't like legwork.'

**'Only because I spent the first few years of my career doing legwork.'**

'... really?'

**'Yes.'**

'So... MI6?'

**'...'**

'Don't just smile, answer the question.'

**'I can't.'**

'Why?'

**'National security.'**

'...'

**'Don't just roll your eyes.'**

'I'll roll my eyes as much as I want.'

**'You will get dizzy doing that.'**

'Maybe you'll have to catch me.'

**'...'**

'Heh heh, you're going red again.'

**'Shut up.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'I had a good time tonight, Mycroft.'

**'Really?'**

'Yeah. Don't look so surprised.'

**'...'**

'Don't you date?'

**'Not really, no.'**

'Why not?'

**'I have been... I have had some bad experiences.'**

'I'm sorry.'

**'It's not your fault.'**

'I'm still sorry.'

**'...'**

'Mycroft, I promise I won't hurt you.'

**'You can't promise that.'**

'Right, you're right... well, I promise I'll try not to hurt you. I really like you, I respect you, and I want... I want to give this a try.'

**'Give what a try?'**

'Me, you, _us_. I want to try dating properly.'

**'...'**

'Mycroft? Would that... would that interest you?'

**'Are you... asking me to... to...'**

'Be your partner?'

**'...'**

'I'm suggesting we date. If, in a few weeks, you want to call me your boyfriend or partner or whatever, then that's just fine with me.'

**'... really?'**

'Yes, Mycroft. I like you; you're funny, handsome, charming... what's not to like?'

**'I work long hours, have a terrible relationship with my brother, and have far too much power.'**

'Everyone has a terrible relationship with your brother.'

**'Not John.'**

'John's shagging him, he doesn't count.'

**'That's thoroughly disgusting.'**

'Moving on; Mycroft, does dating me interest you?'

**'... y-yes.'**

'I'm sorry?'

**'Yes, Gregory, it does... a lot.'**

'Good.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Mycroft, would you like to come up?'

**'... up?'**

'Upstairs, to my flat.'

**'W-Why?'**

'You can see my book collection.'

**'B-Books?'**

'Yes.'

**'...'**

'I have wine.'

**'... okay.'**

'Good, come on.'

 

{oOo}

 

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Gregory, I thought I was here to see your book collection.'**

'That's code for, 'Let's make out against my front door'.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'I-I see.'**

'Why, do you wanna stop and look at my books?'

**'Fuck no.'**

'Told you swearing was fun.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'This-this is... more fun.'

**'It most... certainly... is.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'You're a... good... kisser.'

**'Of course I am.'**

'Shut up.'

**'Yes, sir.'**


	7. Annoyed, Hungry, Horny and Snarky

 

**Sherlock's dialogue is in bold.**

John's dialogue is normal.

 

'Sherlock, you're the one who wanted to see Lestrade, what the hell is taking you so long?'

**'I'm texting.'**

'No shit, really?'

**'What's the matter with you?'**

'I'm hungry.'

**'And...?'**

' _And_ it's ten o'clock on a Friday night and I haven't eaten since breakfast.'

**'... and...?'**

'Sherlock, I love you, but if you say _and_ one more time I'm going to kick you in the crotch.'

**'... you get crabby when you don't eat.'**

' _Excuse_ me?'

**'I said let's go see Lestrade and then have dinner.'**

'That's what I thought.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Wait, I have to talk to Donovan.'**

'What? Why?'

**'I need to ask her about the case.'**

'Can't you ask Greg when we see him?'

**'No, he won't tell me.'**

'Why?'

**'...'**

'Sherlock, what did you do?'

**'I may or may not have texted him an endless list of why Mycroft isn't a suitable partner.'**

'... _what_?'

**'I thought I should warn him about some of Mycroft's more annoying habits.'**

'What did you say?'

**'I told him about Mycroft's need to comfort eat when he was younger, that little stint he did in a holding cell for attacking a fellow politician, and his need to shelve books according to their genre and author name.'**

'... Mycroft was in prison?'

**'What? No, of course not.'**

'But you just said-'

**'I _said_ that Mycroft had a little stint in a holding cell.'**

'... what did he do?'

**'He attacked a fellow politician, I _did_ tell you that.'**

'Yeah, but why?'

**'The man was making some rude comments about homosexuals and after a week Mycroft lost himself.'**

'... go on...'

**'It was a seven day long conference eight months ago held at Downing Street. Mycroft, being the British Government, had to make the rounds and speak with each and every man and woman in power. There was one in particular, James King if I remember correctly, who was constantly muttering foul words about gays and lesbians. Being a gay man, Mycroft didn't particularly care for his words. As the days wore on and Mycroft got less and less sleep, he became angrier and angrier. On the Friday of the conference, King made a rather loud and crude comment about gay men being push overs because they like to be buggered... well, Mycroft wasn't pleased and he subsecuently thrashed the absolute shit out of King. He was detained for 24 hours before being released and now has an ASBO.'**

'...'

**'John?'**

'...'

**'John?'**

'...'

**'JOHN!'**

'What?'

**'What is the matter with you?'**

'I'm sorry, but I _just_ found out that Mycroft Holmes, Mister Mycroft Holmes of Her Royal Majesty's Government who dresses in perfect suits and is so politely snarky it boderlines on a personality disorder, got pissed off and attacked a man and was then arrested.'

**'Not arrested, detained.'**

'Same difference.'

**'If you say so.'**

'I am _so_ bringing this up the next time he gets all condescending with me.'

**'I've taught you well, John.'**

'I'm finally a proper Jedi.'

**'... what?'**

'Never mind, Star Wars reference.'

**'Star Wars?'**

'Never mind, Sherlock, just go talk to Donovan.'

**'Very well. Go see if Lestrade is in.'**

'You mean he might not even _be_ here?'

**'I'm not Mycroft, I don't stalk him.'**

'... Mycroft stalks Greg?'

**'I'll be back in a minute, go see if Lestrade's here.'**

'You bloody well better take me to a good restaraunt after this, Sherlock Holmes!'

**'I promise, John.'**

'... bloody stupid arse... chasing criminals... no food... heh heh, Mycroft Holmes was arrested... Greg? Hello? Greg... why are the blinds down? Greg...'

 

 

{oOo}

**Mycroft's dialogue is in bold.**

Greg's dialogue is normal.

 

 

'Oh God, Mycroft!'

**'Why don't you scream louder, Greg, I don't think all of Scotland Yard heard you!'**

'Then don't slam me against the wall!'

**'Oh, you mean like this?'**

'F-Fuck...'

**'I do like hearing you moan.'**

'Sh-Shut... up... God, right there!'

**'Stop... clenching, I can't...'**

'Mycroft, God! Now, please, I'm gonna come!'

**'No, we only just... just s-stared...'**

'M-Mycroft, I can't-'

**'Not yet.'**

'Please-'

**' _Not yet_!'**

 

 

{oOo}

**Sherlock's dialogue is in bold.**

John's dialogue is normal.

 

 

**'John?'**

'...'

**'John?'**

'...'

**'John!'**

'Um...'

**'What are you doing?'**

'... nothing.'

**'Why are we standing here and why did you slam the door?'**

'I... well, that is...'

**'I need to speak with Lestrade.'**

'No, you really don't.'

**'But I do.'**

'No, Sherlock, you don't.'

**'You're annoying me, John.'**

'Sherlock, believe me when I tell you that you do _not_ want to go into that office.'

**'Why not?'**

'Well...'

**'Just open the door, John!'**

'... fine, fine, but don't say I didn't warn you.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'John?'**

'Yes?'

**'Please shut the door.'**

'... are you okay?'

**'I'm... fine.'**

'You don't look it.'

**'I don't?'**

'No, you look a bit... green.'

**'Well, let's just say that I never imagined my brother in that position before.'**

'Yeah, I never knew he was that strong. I mean, Greg's a pretty big guy and Mycroft had to stoop to get inside him-'

**'John!'**

'I warned you!'

**'I need to wash my eyes.'**

'Want some soap?'

**'I loathe you.'**

'Do not.'

**'I do.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'... Sherlock?'

**'What?'**

'I love you.'

**'I love you too.'**

'Good.'

**'Now let's never speak of this again.'**

'... Sherlock, why are you holding your head like that?'

**'I'm deleting the last five minutes from my brain and then I'm going to sleep in my mind palace tonight.'**

'So... Chinese?'

**'How can you possibly think about food?'**

'Hey, I just saw two good looking men having sex, I'm not in the least bit disgusted.'

**'...'**

'Don't look so jealous.'

**'I'm _not_ jealous.'**

'Are too.'

**'...'**

'So... Chinese?'


	8. Mycroft's A Bitch and Sherlock's... A Bitch

 

**Mycroft's dialogue is in bold.**

Sherlock's dialogue is normal.

 

**'I apologised, brother, what more do you want?'**

'I want you to go back and time and stop it from happening!'

**'For all my power I'm afraid I can't do that.'**

'I hate you.'

**'For...?'**

'For what you did!'

**'You hate me because I decided to have sex with my boyfriend in his office?'**

'I hate you because _you_ decided to have _sex_ with _Lestrade_ in _Scotland Yard_ while _I was in the building_!'

**'... I see.'**

'So what are you going to do about it?'

**'Sherlock, in all honesty, what do you want me to do?'**

'... I don't know.'

**'So you're effectively throwing a tantrum.'**

'I am _not_!'

**'No need to pout.'**

'I'm not pouting!'

**'Yes you are, dear brother.'**

'Mycroft, I am _this_ close to killing you.'

**'And if you did that who would bail you out of jail?'**

'... Lestrade.'

**'I very much doubt that as he would probably be the one arresting you.'**

'... John.'

**'He'll most likely be in there with you. Gregory has informed me that he has arrested you two twice for public indecency.'**

'...'

**'Sherlock?'**

'Go away.'

**'Why?'**

'I hate you.'

**'You have said that at least forty-seven times this past month and yet here I am.'**

'Mycroft, must you always be annoying?'

**'Must _you_ always be a child?'**

'I'm not pouting!'

**'...'**

'Stop looking so smug.'

**'I am merely sitting her, dear brother.'**

'Mycroft, I don't know why you've decided to have a tryst with my DI, but I won't stand for it happening in his office. I have to _go_ there!'

**'... Sherlock, what gave you the idea that this was a tryst?'**

'I know you, Mycroft, you don't have partners; you have fuck buddies.'

**'Where on earth did you learn that term?'**

'John said it a few months ago.'

**'Putting aside Doctor Watson's vulger language, I am assuring you right now, Sherlock, that what I have with Gregory is not a casual thing nor something that I see myself stopping any time soon.'**

'What do you mean?'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'I'd rather not discuss my relationship with you, Sherlock.'**

'Why not?'

**'You have a tendancy to ruin everything.'**

'I do _not_!'

**'Yes you do!'**

'Getting angry, Mycroft?'

**'What gave me away?'**

'You're glaring at me like you want me to burst into flames.'

**'If I had the power you'd be a pile of ash right now.'**

'Are you telling me that this thing between you and Lestrade is serious?'

**'I just said I'd rather not discuss this with you.'**

'Why not?'

**'Sherlock, you're trying my patience.'**

'Do you... Mycroft, do you actually love him?'

**'...'**

'I thought this was a sexual attraction only. I mean, I told him you loved him but I wasn't entirely certain.'

**'Sherlock, I don't want to-'**

'Do you _actually_ love Lestrade?'

**'Sherlock, stop-'**

'Gregory Lestrade? Forty-seven year-old, divorced, police officer Lestrade?'

**'Sherlock-'**

'You love him?'

**'SHUT THE FUCK UP, SHERLOCK!'**

'...'

**'I don't want to discuss it with you and that is final!'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'... you're scared.'

**'What?'**

'You're scared of how much you love him.'

**'Sherlock, I am seriously warning you-'**

'Why are you jumping to anger?'

**'You're pissing me off!'**

'You aren't acting like yourself, Mycroft, why is that?'

**'I'm going to kill you very, very slowly.'**

'Why are you afraid?'

**'I'm not afraid, Sherlock!'**

'Yes you are! You're afraid that I speak the truth. And if I do, that means that you're in love with Gregory Lestrade. And if _that's_ true, that means you might just get your heart broken, something you're not very good at dealing with, brother.'

**'...'**

'Where are you going?'

**'I will not sit here and discuss this with you.'**

'No, stay here.'

**'Sherlock, get out of the way.'**

'You're not going anywhere.'

**'Sherlock, I'm only asking you once.'**

'No.'

**'I'm bigger then you.'**

'Which means you move slower.'

**'...'**

'... sit down, Mycroft, and listen to me.'

**'...'**

'For once in your life just do as you're told.'

**'That's a bit rich coming from you.'**

'Sit down.'

**'... fine.'**

'There, now we can discuss this like two intelligent adults.'

**'I don't think that sentence applies to you, Sherlock.'**

'Oh, your witty humour always makes me smile.'

**'I might just start trying to make you burst into flames again.'**

'Mycroft, falling in love with Lestrade is scaring you.'

**'Sherlock-'**

'No, hear me out, brother. You're a complicated man. Like me, you detest the average man because to us they're stupid animals that just don't _look_. They let the world pass them by and don't bother looking for the small things that make life interesting.'

**'...'**

'Gregory Lestrade is not one of those people. Yes, he is closer to being one of those people then either of us, but he is an intelligent man; he thinks, he cares, and most importantly he cares about _you_. That scares you because you have had your heart broken before.'

**'I-'**

'Don't deny it, Mycroft, I know all about Henrey and Lucian and Peter. Each one of those men broke your heart and you barely recovered. Now you have Gregory; a brave, smart, handsome man who is a decent human being.'

**'...'**

'For some reason, a reason I still cannot fathom, he's chosen you. You've been in love with him for a very long time and even though this relationship is only a few weeks old, you've already fallen hard. Now you're worried that he'll leave.'

**'...'**

'Correct me if I'm wrong on anything.'

**'...'**

'I didn't think so.'

**'Sherlock-'**

'Lestrade loves you, Mycroft, of that I'm certain. He's not going to leave. I won't lie to you; this relationship may not work out. But from where I'm standing, you're both in it for the long run. Don't worry that Lestrade is going to leave you in the middle of the night like Lucian did. Don't think that he's going to hit on your brother like Peter did. And don't think that he's going to try and steal your money like Henrey did. Gregory isn't like them, he's a good man.'

**'Sherlock...'**

'Yes?'

**'I'm... I'm worried...'**

'I know you are.'

**'I can't help it.'**

'I know, Mycroft.'

**'... you just can't keep your mouth shut, can you?'**

'No, I can't.'

**'... thank you.'**

'Did you just _thank_ me?'

**'Did _you_ just spend five minutes complementing Gregory Lestrade?'**

'Point taken. So we're in agreement?'

**'Yes. I'll stop worrying about my relationship with Gregory and we'll both pretend this conversation never happened.'**

'For once, Mycroft, I agree with you.'

**'I'm not sorry about having sex in his office.'**

'I'll set you on fire, Mycroft.'

**'Not if I do it first.'**

'Got that mind power figured out, have you?'

**'Perhaps.'**

'I can tell you that my toes aren't in any way feeling warmer.'

**'You're a bitch.'**

' _You're_ a bitch.'

**'Perhaps I'll just throw something at you.'**

'That would involve physical movement.'

**'I enjoy physical activities.'**

'You do not.'

**'If you remember correctly, Gregory and I were quite physical-'**

'GET OUT!'

**'Goodbye, brother.'**

'Until next time, Mycroft.'


	9. Mycroft's Weird and Greg's Worried

 

**Mycroft's dialogue is in bold.**

Greg's dialogue is normal.

 

'Mycroft, are you okay?'

**'What? Yes, I'm okay; of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be okay?'**

'Well, you've been fidgeting and staring at me for the past ten minutes, but when I look at you, you look away. That's not to mention the rambling.'

**'I'm honestly okay, love; I'm absolutely, one-hundred percent fine.'**

'...'

**'I'm fine.'**

'Okay...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'So...'**

'So...?'

**'How was your day?'**

'... I just told you five minutes ago.'

**'Well I want to hear about it again; more in-depth.'**

'Okay... um, Sherlock came in looking for a cold case. John wasn't with him.'

**'Are they still having problems?'**

'Yeah, I dunno what it is; Sherlock's acting like a right bastard lately. He completely ignores John, he just walks away after sex, and he never helps out around the flat anymore.'

**'... my brother helped out around the flat?'**

'Well, not a lot, no. But sometimes he'd help John wash the dishes, just so he could spend more time with him. It was kinda cute, actually. John'd be at the sink and Sherlock would stand behind him, arms wrapped around his waist...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Gregory?'**

'Hum?'

**'Are _you_ okay?'**

'Oh- yeah, sorry, just... lost in thought.'

**'About my brother and John?'**

'Erm... not so much _them_ as what they have.'

**'What they have?'**

'You know... living together, always being together. It's the only thing I miss from my marriage; someone to talk to when you come home.'

**'... you can talk to me.'**

'We don't live together.'

**'That's what phones are for.'**

'Heheh, right, well I'll keep that in mind... anyway, where was I?'

**'Telling me about your day before you ran off on a tangent.'**

'Right, well Sherlock wanted a case and I didn't have any. I've been working cold cases for the last week since that bloody incident with McDonalds.'

**'But that was my brother's fault; surely he hasn't forgotten that you're in trouble.'**

'Yeah, but Sherlock doesn't see it that way. To him it's perfectly fine to break into every McDonalds in a hundred mile radius looking for the bloody killer. And it's perfectly _fine_ to flash my badge, Sally's badge, _Anderson's_ badge, and steal burgers for John.'

**'Well... at least he was thinking of someone other than himself.'**

'Mm, tell that to my boss. So yeah, I told Sherlock I was stuck at my desk until the Chief could sort out the whole "Detective Inspector Lestrade broke into thirteen McDonalds'" thing. ''Course Sherlock screamed bloody murder and I called John, who told me to shove it... he's a rude little doctor.'

**'He _does_ enjoy using vulgar language.'**

'It took me an hour to get rid of Sherlock and that's after he wrote "stupid" on my forehead in perminant marker.'

**'...'**

'Are you laughing at me?'

**'No! Absolutely not.'**

'You are too!'

**'No I'm not.'**

'So you think it's funny that your little brother held me down and wrote all over me?'

**'...'**

'You bastard!'

**'No, I'm sorry, Gregory.'**

'Stop laughing!'

**'It's just...'**

' _What_?'

**'I taught him that.'**

'... you... taught him... to write on people?'

**'Erm... yes.'**

'Why... _why_?'

**'Well... it was better than him attacking people, which is what he used to do. Believe me, Mummy prefered receiving a call from Eton stating Sherlock had written on a boy rather than punched him in the face.'**

'...'

**'I'm sorry, I won't laugh.'**

'Good.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'... you're doing it again.'

**'What?'**

'You're staring at me and fidgeting.'

**'No I'm not.'**

'Yes you are!'

**'I am not.'**

'Why are you denying it?'

**'Because I'm not doing it.'**

'Mycroft...'

**'I don't know what you want me to say.'**

'...'

**'You look annoyed.'**

'I _am_ annoyed.'

**'Why?'**

'Why? _Why_? 'Cause you're being weird and lying about it!'

**'... I've always been weird.'**

'Well... you're being _weirder_.'

**'I see.'**

'Never mind, don't worry.'

**'I'm truly fine, Gregory.'**

'...'

**'You have nothing to worry about...'**

'...'

**'Gregory?'**

'...'

**'Gregory?'**

'...'

**'Greg...?'**

'I'm ignoring you.'

**'I gathered that.'**

'So why are you still talking to me?'

**'To get _you_ to talk to _me_.'**

'Well I'm not talking to you.'

**'Yes you are.'**

'... damn it!'

**'...'**

'I hate you Holmeses.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'So what restaurant are we going to tonight?'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'I thought you weren't talking to me.'**

'Yeah, well... that's boring.'

**'...'**

'And we don't spend enough time together so... you know, we shouldn't waste the time we _do_ spend together fighting.'

'...'

'Mycroft?'

**'...'**

'Um... I'm sorry, alright? I've just had a long day, I didn't mean to snap at you.'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'I love you.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'... w-what?'

**'I love you.'**

'...'

**'...'**

' _What_?'

**'I. Love. You.'**

'Uh...'

**'Gregory.'**

'Yeah, I... heard you.'

**'I see.'**

'Um... r-really?'

**'Yes.'**

'Wow.'

**'...'**

'Um...'

**'You don't have to say it back.'**

'Mycroft, I-'

**'I didn't say it so you would say it back.'**

'Mycroft-'

**'I just wanted you to know how I feel.'**

'Myc-'

**'I love you and I wanted you to know so-'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'I take it you're not angry.'**

'Heheh, what gave me away?'

**'You just kissed me.'**

'Yup.'

**'That was quite nice.'**

'Yeah, it was.'

**'So...'**

'I love you too.'

**'...'**

'If you had just shut up for five seconds I coulda told you without sticking my tongue down your throat.'

**'Well...'**

'Yeah?'

**'I quite like the "sticking your tongue down my throat" way of saying things.'**

'Heh, me too.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'It _is_ nice, isn't it?'

**'Yes, it is.'**

'Is this why you've been acting weird all night?'

**'Yes. I was rather... nervous.'**

'About telling me you loved me?'

**'I didn't know how you'd react.'**

'I'm fine.'

**'Yes, I know that now.'**

'Well actually, I'm really happy.'

**'That's good.'**

'Absolutely fuckin' thrilled.'

**'...'**

'You're adorable.'

**'I am not.'**

'Yes you are; especially when you blush.'

**'Stop teasing me.'**

'Never.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'So where are we going?'

**'Well, I _had_ planned to take you to a romantic dinner tonight, but...'**

'Yeah?'

**'I'd much rather take you back to my flat.'**

'Oh yeah?'

**'I have wine.'**

'...'

**'And ice-cream.'**

'... and chocolate?'

**'Of course, Gregory.'**

'The what the hell are we waiting for? Onwards, driver!'

**'You're insane.'**

'And yet you love me.'

**'I do.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'Mm?'**

'I love you.'

**'I love you too.'**

'I'm gonna shag your brains out.'

**'I'd rather hoped you would.'**


	10. Greg and Mycroft Both Need A Break... Maybe

 

**Mycroft's dialogue is in bold.**

Greg's dialogue is normal.

 

'Mm...'

**'Something wrong, love?'**

'Nope.'

**'Then why are you humming?'**

''Cause I'm happy.'

**'Ah, I see.'**

'And shagged out.'

**'Yes, well four rounds will do that to a man.'**

'...'

**'Stop giggling.'**

'Can't help it. Never thought you'd be up for four rounds.'

**'If it's with the right person I can go all night.'**

'I know that now. We've been in bed since seven last night and it's currently... ten am.'

**'Then it's a good thing it's a Saturday and neither of us have work.'**

'Oh yeah; I reckon I'd fall right over if I had to go to the Yard.'

**'Mm...'**

'Now _you're_ humming.'

**'Well as you said; happy.'**

'Mm...'

**'Gregory, stop it.'**

'I didn't do anything.'

**'You're humming on purpose.'**

'Am not.'

**'Are too.'**

' _Am not_.'

**' _Are too_.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'MMMMMMM- oi!'

**'You had to be stopped.'**

'And that gives you the right to stick your finger... _there_?'

**'Yes.'**

'Well _I_ didn't get that bloody memo.'

**'Oh, did you want me to type it up?'**

'No!'

**'I'll call Anthea.'**

'No, stop!'

**'Give me my phone.'**

'Never!'

**'But I have to talk to Anthea!'**

'No you don't!'

**'And I'll say, "Anthea, dear, Gregory needs a memo written up".'**

'Mycroft, put the bloody phone down!'

**'And then Anthea will write down what I say.'**

'Mycroft!'

**'Which consists of the following; "When Gregory Lestrade is humming"-'**

'Nooo, stop it!'

**'- "Mycroft Holmes has the right to stick his finger- _any finger_ "-'**

'NO!'

**'- "in Gregory Lestrade's"-'**

'Gah!'

**'- "arse".'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Full-stop.'**

'You're a dick.'

**'No I'm not.'**

'Are too.'

**'Am not.'**

'...'

**'Stop pouting.'**

'I'm allowed to pout; there's a memo.'

**'Is there?'**

'Yup.'

**'And where is it?'**

'None of your business.'

**'...'**

'No, stop!'

**'...'**

'You can't sway me with your lips!'

**'...'**

'N-No...'

**'...'**

'M-Mycroft...'

**'...'**

 

{oOo}

 

'Curse you to the firey depths of Hades.'

**'... normally men say _thank you_.'**

'Normally men don't jump other men to shut them up.'

**'Yes they do.'**

'Do not.'

**'Do too.'**

'Mycroft!'

**'Gregory!'**

'What the hell's gotten into you?'

**'Well _you_ got into me just then... and the third time... and the first time.'**

'Yeah, yeah, I get it.'

**'Do you?'**

'...'

**'...'**

'What?'

**'What?'**

'No, I asked what.'

**'And I said what back, as in; what _what_? Why did you say what?'**

'Um... what?'

**'Yes.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'I am _so_ confused.'

**'Me too. Let's stop talking.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'M-Mycroft, no...'

**'...'**

'I'm t-tired...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Oh fuck, yes!'

 

{oOo}

 

'Remember how I was cursing you?'

**'Yes.'**

'I take it all back.'

**'Do you?'**

'I am _so_ strung out right now... seriously, I don't care about anythin'.'

**'That's good to know.'**

'You're amazing in bed.'

**'Also good to know.'**

'Mm.'

**'Remember what happened last time you hummed?'**

'Well maybe I want a certain politician to put a certain finger in a certain hole.'

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Ooo, _yes_!'

 

{oOo}

 

'Was that round six or eight?'

**'I have no idea.'**

 

{oOo}

 

'That was _definitely_ round nine.'

**'Should we go for the double digits?'**

'... only if you use something a bit bigger than your finger.'

 

{oOo}

 

'Oh... th-that's- _ah_ \- d-definitely... oh God, Mycroft... bigger than a f-finger.... _Christ_!'

 

{oOo}

 

'Mycroft?'

**'Mm?'**

'Stop humming.'

**'I was letting you know that I heard you, therefore I was listening.'**

'...'

**'Yes, Gregory dear?'**

'I don't think I can take anymore.'

**'Anymore...?'**

'Sex.'

**'...'**

'Don't laugh, I'm serious! Eleven times is some type of record for men our age, I'm tellin' ya. We've been in bed almost 24 hours.'

**'... we've had bathroom breaks.'**

'Yeah, quickly followed by some blowjobs against the sink.'

**'Mm, that was lovely.'**

'Sex maniac.'

**'I am what you made me.'**

'Seriously, no more, my dick's about to fall off.'

**'I'll bring it back to life.'**

'No, stay away, you beast!'

**'Gregory, please.'**

' _Noooo_!'

**'Greg-'**

'NO, GET BACK!'

**'Fine.'**

'Mycroft, seriously. I love you, but I need a break.'

**'Yes, very well.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Sorry, but I really need a break.'

**'Mm-hmm.'**

'Should we get some dinner?'

**'Too tired.'**

'We can order in. Maybe pizza or something?'

**'Nnn...'**

'Are you staying tonight?'

**'Do you want me to stay?'**

'Do _you_ want to stay?'

**'Gregory.'**

'Mycroft.'

**'You annoy me.'**

'And...?'

**'Yes, fine; I want to stay.'**

'Good; I want you to stay.'

**'You're an odd man.'**

'I have never, ever denied that.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Wanna watch somethin'?'

**'That requires movement.'**

'We can sit on the couch under the blankets and watch... I dunno, Doctor Who.'

**'No.'**

'Torchwood.'

**'I don't fancy watching you drool over John Barrowman.'**

'Well _you_ drool over Gareth David-Lloyd.'

**'So?'**

'... NCIS?'

**'You leer at Michael Weatherly.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'House?'

**'Jesse Spencer.'**

'Burn Notice?'

**'Jeffrey Donovan.'**

'Harry Potter?'

**'Jason Isaacs.'**

'Mycroft, there's someone hot in every TV show and movie I have. We won't be able to watch anything at this rate.'

**'Then let's read.'**

'What if I drool over a book character?'

**'Oh dear Lord.'**

'I was joking.'

**'Sure you were.'**

'Myc!'

**'Fine, we can watch a TV show.'**

'Yay!'

**'...'**

'...'

**'... The Big Bang Theory.'**

'Oh yeah, pick the _one_ show with an actor you fancy.'

**'I have no idea what you're talking about.'**

'Does the name Jim Parsons ring a bell?'

**'No.'**

'...'

**'Can we watch it now?'**

'If you order.'

**'What am I ordering?'**

'Erm... Chinese.'

**'Fine.'**

 

{oOo}

 

'Mm, that was yummy.'

**'It tasted how it always tastes.'**

'Yummy.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Stop leering at Jim Parsons.'

**'I'm not.'**

'You are too.'

**'I assure you, Gregory, I'm not.'**

'Why are you denying it?'

**'I'm not denying anything.'**

'You are _such_ a fucking liar.'

**'I am not.'**

'Are too.'

**' _Am not_.'**

' _Are too_.'

**'GREGORY!'**

'MYCROFT!'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'B-Bedroom.'

**'I thought you needed a break.'**

' _Get in the fucking bedroom before I jump you right here_.'

**'Yes, dear.'**

 

{oOo}

 

**'Gregory?'**

'Mm?'

**'I need a break.'**

'...'

**'Stop laughing at me.'**

'Never.'

**'I love you.'**

'I love you too.'

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'We forgot to turn the TV off.'**

'So?'

**'It's a waste of power.'**

'So go turn it off.'

**' _You_ go turn it off.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'M-Mycroft.'

**'Mm?'**

'I thought- _fuck_ \- you n-needed a... b-break...'

**'Four... m-minutes is long... _oh God_... en-enough.'**

'Oh fuck, yes.'

**'Fuck, Gregory!'**

'Mm...'


	11. Mycroft Needs Help and John's Tipsy

 

**John's dialogue is in bold.**

Mycroft's dialogue is normal.

 

**'So, what can I do for you, oh mighty British Government?'**

'...'

**'What?'**

'John, are you drunk?'

**'Eh... no, no I am not.'**

'Are you sure?'

**''Course I am; why wouldn't I be?'**

'Well... you're swaying... and there are beer bottles everywhere... and now you're giggling and waving a finger at me.'

**'Sorry, sorry... just... yeah, I've had a bit to drink.'**

'I see.'

**'I'm not drunk, just... um, tipsy.'**

'I see.'

**'What do ya see?'**

'Never mind. Erm... do you mind telling me _why_ you're tipsy at five o'clock on a Friday afternoon?'

**''Cause _Sherlock_ your _brother_ decided he'd rather hit a corpse with a metal ruler than shag me.'**

'I see...'

**'Yeah.'**

'That's... unfortunate?'

**'It bloody well is.'**

'Wouldn't you rather be discussing this with Gregory?'

**'Um... dunno, would I?'**

'Well he's your best friend and... not related to Sherlock.'

**'Oh, right, you don't wanna hear about my sex life.'**

'No, I don't.'

**'Right. Sorry. Zipped up. No more. Won't say nothin'.'**

'Thank you, John.'

**'No worries.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Sorry, did you need something?'**

'I _am_ here, aren't I?'

**'Um... unless the government's got some type of awesome teleporting-laser-hologram thing, I reckon you are.'**

'... teleporting-laser-hologram thing?'

**'I'm tispy, 'member?'**

'How could I forget?'

**'So ya want some tea or... beer?'**

'I think I'll make the tea, John.'

**'Nah, that's rude; s'my place, I gotta make it.'**

'You just sit down and... let me make the tea. You're having some too.'

**'Nooo, I want beer!'**

'No beer, John.'

**'Please?'**

'No.'

**'You're a bastard.'**

'Yes, I've been told that.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Here you go.'

**'Don't want it.'**

'Stop being a child.'

**'I'm _not_.'**

'Yes you are.'

**'Am not.'**

'I grew up with Sherlock; I know when people are acting childish. Now drink your tea.'

**'... _fine_!'**

'...'

**'...'**

'See? That wasn't so hard.'

**'You said you were here for a reason.'**

'Excellent, John, really.'

**'Wha?'**

'You changed the subject brilliantly.'

**'Hardy-har. Did. You. Want. _Something_?'**

'Yes, I wanted to ask for your... help.'

**'My help?'**

'Yes.'

**'With...?'**

'Gregory.'

**'Greg? Um, yeah, sure... what did ya need?'**

'I want to ask him to move in with me.'

**'Really?'**

'Yes.'

**'Wow... you've been datin', what-'**

'Eight months.'

**'Wow.'**

'Yes.'

**'Erm... well, that's a big step. You sure?'**

'I miss him when he leaves my flat. I miss him when I leave _his_ flat. I hate sleeping in my bed alone. I want to come home to him, I want _him_ to come home to _me_. I want to share a bedroom and bathroom and kitchen. I want to cook meals together and watch television together. I want... everything that you and Sherlock have.'

**'... wow.'**

'Yes.'

**'Well... um, usually it's _me_ cooking and cleaning and all that; Sherlock just mopes about.'**

'Yes, I know that.'

**'But I reckon you probably pull your weight, unlike your stupid bloody brother.'**

'John, we're here to talk about Gregory and me, not you and Sherlock.'

**'Oh, sorry.'**

'We can talk about you and my sibling afterwards.'

**'Oh, awesome. Okay, so... why not just ask Greg?'**

'Is that all I do? I don't want him to say no.'

**'He loves you, yeah?'**

'Yes.'

**'So nah, he won't say no. Just... ya know, have it all planned out. Make sure ya know we're you're gonna live- either in your flat, 'cause it's big, or a new flat that'll be yours together-'**

'I hadn't thought of a new flat... good idea, John.'

**'Thank you. And... yeah, just ask. Maybe take him out to dinner, tell 'im how much he means to ya, make sure he knows that you appreciate all the hard work he does while you're lying on the bloody couch in a stupid dressing gown shooting a smiley face into the goddamn wall!'**

'... we're talking about you and Sherlock again, aren't we?'

**'Shit, I'm sorry. I'm just... Sherlock's really startin' to piss me off.'**

'You've been dating for almost two years, John; shouldn't you be used to his habits by now?'

**'Yeah, but usually he's... better, ya know? He eats when I tell him to, he helps me clean up. Now he just wants sex and then lays about.'**

'I see...'

**'Sorry, we're talkin' about you, not me- what are you doing?'**

'Calling Gregory.'

**'What? Why?'**

'He's going to come over with some takeaway and you two are going to talk it out while I go back to work. And tonight I'm going to pick Gregory up, take him to my flat, and ask him to move in with me.'

**'... oh, right.'**

'Hello, love. I'm at 221B... yes, Sherlock's being a... well, a _that_ again-'

**'A bitch.'**

'- and John needs someone to talk to... no, I wish I could help, but I _really_ don't want to hear about my brother's sex life... okay, love. Yes, he could use some dinner. Something to soak up the alcohol.'

**'I'm _not_ drunk!'**

'I love you too... bye.'

**'I'm not.'**

'Not what?'

**'Drunk.'**

'If you say so.'

**'Hey, Mycroft?'**

'Yes, John?'

**'Thanks.'**

'Not a problem.'

**'...'**

'Thank you, for your advice, John.'

**'No worries.'**

'If you tell Gregory I'm going to ask him to move in with me I'll make your life hell.'

**''Course ya will.'**


	12. John Rants and Greg Drinks

 

**John's dialogue is in bold.**

Greg's dialogue is normal.

 

**'You don't have to stay here.'**

'I want to.'

**'Yeah, but you probably got better things to do... like hang out with your boyfriend.'**

'Nah, Mycroft's got work.'

**'...'**

'Not that I wouldn't wanna hang out with you if Mycroft _was_ free. I just meant... erm... well, you... ah...'

**'Shut up, Greg.'**

'Right.'

**'...'**

'Sorry.'

**'No worries.'**

'So, um... I brought curry.'

**'I haven't eaten properly in two days.'**

'Why not?'

**'Sherlock's a bitch.'**

'Um...'

**'Sorry, sorry. He's just... runnin' some goddamn experiment in the kitchen.'**

'Oh.'

**'Followed by the bathroom.'**

'Right.'

**'And then my bedroom.'**

'Shit.'

**'I was so fucking tired after shouting at him I just passed out in his bed. No time for dinner.'**

'Mm...'

**'Sorry, didn't mean to bring you down.'**

'Nah, s'fine. Here, let me get some plates.'

**'Thanks, mate.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Um... wanna watch Doctor Who or somethin'?'

**'Yeah. You know where the DVDs are.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'So...'

**'Wha?'**

'Um... Mycroft said Sherlock was being a bitch?'

**'Yeah.'**

'Well... sorry, but Sherlock's usually a bitch. What's he doin' that's so different?'

**'It's... just the small things, ya know?'**

'No, I don't know.'

**'Well, um... I've told you about doin' the dishes, yeah?'**

'Yeah.'

**'He doesn't do that anymore. He used to just stand in the kitchen and talk to me while I washed up. Now he's either at the kitchen table doin' something disgusting or sitting on the couch moaning about how boring life is.'**

'Um...'

**'Yeah, he used to do that all the time, I know. But that was before we started dating.'**

'Oh.'

**'Yeah.'**

'And... what else?'

**'Fuck, where do I begin?'**

'I'm gonna need beer, aren't I?'

**'In the fridge; grab me one too.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Thanks.'**

'Okay, go ahead.'

**'Right, so he does his crazy-arsed experiments that apparently serve a purpose but make no fucking sense.'**

'Yeah.'

**'He does those _all_ the time now, fucking everywhere! They used to be kept in the kitchen. And even then he wouldn't mess with my tea. Well now I can't touch any of the food we _do_ have because Sherlock gets to it and fucks it up. He messes with my bed, my clothes, my laptop, the shower, fucking _everything_.'**

'That sucks.'

**'Sucks? _Sucks_?! It's fucking completely fucked-up is what it is!'**

'Okay...'

**'He never eats! I checked, whenever I manage to get a plate of food before him he throws it out the window. We've got cats and fucking dogs roaming the streets outside and people are callin' Mrs Hudson and complaining about random fucking pieces of food bein' thrown from the building!'**

'...'

**'He's smoking again; I found a half-smoked packet in my dressing gown and three empty packets stuffed between the couch cushions. He got onto my blog and posted a heap of shit about bees, and texted my sister and gave her details about what men I fancy, and he told DI Dimmock that I have a fetish for cucumbers!'**

'...'

**'But the worst thing- are you fucking laughing at me?'**

'... erm.'

**'What the fuck's so funny?'**

'The... um... c-cumbers thing.'

**'Oh, think that's funny, do you?'**

'... just a little bit.'

**'You're a whore, you know that? A goddamn, mother fucking, dirty-'**

'Yeah, yeah, alright.'

**'...'**

'I'm sorry, 'kay? Just... get back to it.'

**'...'**

'John?'

**'I DON'T HAVE A SEX LIFE!'**

'Er...'

**'...'**

'John, mate, you alright?'

**'No.'**

'Um...'

**'I haven't had sex in two months.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'What?'

**'Yeah.'**

'S-Seriously?'

**'Yup.'**

'Jesus Christ.'

**'Yeah.'**

'Me and Mycroft had sex, like, twenty times the other day.'

**'Thanks, Greg, that really helps.'**

'Sorry. Um... why haven't you had sex in two months?'

**'I don't know!'**

'...'

**'I practically throw myself at Sherlock and he ignores me or makes excuses. I sit on his lap and he says he's tired. I corner him in the shower and he says he has to go to the toilet. I grab his cock and he says, "As much as I'd like to, John, I have an experiment I have to see to".'**

'Jesus...'

**'Yeah.'**

'Well... I dunno what to say.'

**'Do... do you think he's gonna break up with me?'**

'What? No!'

**'How can you be sure?'**

''Cause it's Sherlock! He's an addict and you're his drug of choice.'

**'...'**

'Serious, mate, I don't reckon Sherlock's gonna break up with you.'

**'...'**

'I mean, clearly there's... _somethin'_ goin' on, but no, I don't think he's gonna break up with you.'

**'...'**

'John?'

**'Yeah... alright.'**

'Serious, mate.'

**'Mm.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Want me to talk to him?'

**'Like that'd help.'**

'Yeah...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Want another beer?'

**'Yeah, thanks.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Greg?'**

'Yeah?'

**'Thanks.'**

'No worries, mate.'

**'...'**

'I'm sure Sherlock'll come around.'

**'...'**

'I mean, he's a genius; he's gotta realise he's fucking up.'

**'...'**

'He-'

**'Greg?'**

'Yeah?'

**'Shut up and watch Doctor Who.'**

'Right.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Thank you.'**

'No worries.'


	13. Mycroft Has A Question and Greg Swears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Note:** Adelaide and Sidney belong to **Sunshine Through The Storm.**

 

**Mycroft's dialogue is in bold.**

Greg's dialogue is normal.

 

**'Now I just have to hope Gregory gets home in time... of course he'll get home, Anthea promised me and Sherlock made sure that case with the author was closed... though why he took so long to figure it out is beyond me... okay, so... I just wait... just wait... and now I'm talking to myself... hmm, perhaps I've finally gone mad... well, at least I'll go out having shagged Gregory.'**

'Mother fucking bastard!'

**'That doesn't sound good.'**

'I could strangle that prick with my bare fucking- Mycroft?'

**'Hello, love.'**

'What... what are you doing here?'

**'We haven't seen each other in a week.'**

'Um... yeah, I know, but...'

**'I thought we could have a nice dinner.'**

'You... made dinner?'

**'Well... I bought dinner and served it.'**

'...'

**'It's in the oven.'**

'That's... wow, you're... amazing, you know that?'

**'Are you sure?'**

'Yeah, why wouldn't I be?'

**'You sounded annoyed when you got home.'**

'...'

**'And now you're sighing.'**

'Sorry, sorry. It's just... Sherlock.'

**'Ah.'**

'But let's not talk about him, okay?'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'I must say; kissing is far better than talking about my brother.'**

'Heh, yeah, thought you'd say that. So what's for dinner?'

**'Italian.'**

'Mm, my favourite.'

**'I know.'**

''Course you know; you knew that before we started dating.'

**'Of course I did.'**

'Grab the plates, I'll just get changed.'

**'Why do you need to change?'**

'Been wearin' these clothes for three days.'

**'Ah, yes, please do change.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Thanks again, love.'

**'Not a problem.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Mm, this is great!'

**'I'm glad you think so.'**

'Where'd you get this?'

**'Well...'**

'I don't even want to know how expensive it is, do I?'

**'Probably not, no.'**

'Well it's delicious.'

**'I'm glad.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'How was your day?'

**'Average at best.'**

'Oh?'

**'Yes. I had various meetings with government officials. I wanted to kill the lot of them.'**

'Heheh.'

**'I also had a meeting with David but that was to just go over the next plan he's taking to the Queen.'**

''Course.'

**'And Adelaide called; she'll be in the country three weeks from today.'**

'Oh yeah, is she bringing Tom and Sidney?'

**'Not this time.'**

'Aw, that sucks! I wanna meet the little baby Australian Government.'

**'Heheh; we don't know if little Sidney will be taking over from Adelaide.'**

'Yeah, well I reckon Sidney will.'

**'Whatever you say, love.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'How was your day, Gregory?'**

'Eh...'

**'That bad?'**

'Well... it was fine, despite not sleeping for two days-'

**'Gregory.'**

'What? I had work.'

**'You need to take better care of yourself.'**

'Yeah, yeah; anyway, it was fine until Sherlock and John showed up.'

**'Oh?'**

'Yeah, they're... well, fighting.'

**'Still? I thought they would have made up by now. It's been a week since you had that talk with John.'**

'Yeah, and they're still... well not fighting so much as... Sherlock's just being a prick.'

**'How so?'**

''Member all that stuff I told you? About the experiments and the behaviour and the no-sex for two months?'

**'Oh, yes.'**

'Yeah, it's just that.'

**'Right.'**

'I really wanna punch Sherlock in the face.'

**'I don't think anyone would blame you.'**

'Yeah... well John was ignoring Sherlock, meaning Sherlock was at his usual prick self without John to protect us normal folk from him.'

**'Oh...'**

'I swear Sally was gonna murder him.'

**'I see...'**

'And Anderson.'

**'Right.'**

'And me, half the other cops, John-'

**'I get it, Gregory.'**

'Sherlock was just being a fuckin' cunt-'

**'Gregory.'**

'- and he gave me the shits, that's why I've been in a mood since this afternoon.'

**'That doesn't mean you have to use such foul language.'**

'You like it when I swear.'

**'Well... in the bedroom, yes.'**

'Okay, so I'll save my _naughty_ language for the bedroom.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Hurry up and finish your meal.'**

'Yes, sir.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'... would you like me to talk to Sherlock?'**

'Oh thank God!'

**'How long have you been waiting for me to offer?'**

'A week!'

**'Okay, Gregory, I'll talk to Sherlock.'**

'Thank you!'

**'Though I'm not sure it'll help.'**

'It's about John; Sherlock should listen. He just needs someone to get it through his thick fucking head.'

**'This is really annoying you, isn't it?'**

'John's my best friend and he's upset. I want everything to be alright.'

**'I see.'**

'And I don't want to be responsible for killing my boyfriend's brother.'

**'Of course not.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'That was delicious.'

**'I'm glad you liked it.'**

'Mm, thanks for that.'

**'Not a problem. There's ice-cream in the freezer and chocolate in the fridge.'**

'Oh God, you're the best boyfriend _ever_!'

**'You just love me for my chocolate.'**

'Damn it, you've found me out. However can I make it up to you?'

**'Hmm...'**

'Maybe I can... eat chocolate off you?'

**'...'**

'Or ice-cream?'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Let's move this to the bedroom.'

**'No.'**

'What?'

**'No, I meant... no.'**

'...'

**'I mean... damn it.'**

'Mycroft-'

**'Move in with me.'**

'What?'

**'Move in with me.'**

'I... you... _what_?'

**'That's why I didn't want to move this to the bedroom... yet. I wanted to ask you and... well, now I've asked.'**

'You're serious?'

**'Yes.'**

'But...'

**'But...?'**

'You didn't stare at me all through dinner.'

**'... what?'**

'Usually when you have a question, or wanna tell me somethin', you stutter and stare at me and act all weird.'

**'I do not.'**

'You did it when you wanted to ask me out _and_ when you told me you loved me.'

**'... I did, didn't I?'**

'Yeah.'

**'Well... obviously I've gotten better.'**

'Obviously.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'So...'**

'Fuck yes.'

**'Really?'**

'Yes! God, Mycroft, nothin' would make me happier!'

**'Not even an olympic-sized swimming pool filled with chocolate?'**

'Nope.'

**'I love you.'**

'Love you too.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'I thought we could go look at flats together.'**

'Mycroft?'

**'Yes?'**

'Talk later. Sex now.'

**'I thought-'**

'...'

**'Right, sex now.'**

'Mm, good boy.'


	14. Sherlock's Stupid and Mycroft's A Saint

 

**Mycroft's dialogue is in bold.**

Sherlock's dialogue is normal.

 

**'Sherlock, we need to talk.'**

'Yes, we do. Mycroft, you've completely let yourself go.'

**'Sherlock-'**

'Just because you've finally found a man who actually _wants_ you doesn't mean you should start inhaling cake.'

**'Sherlock, stop being a child!'**

'Well _someone_ woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.'

**'You really try my patience, little brother.'**

'What does that even mean, anyway? Why would waking up on the opposite side of the bed in any way affect someone's mood?'

**'Sherlock, we really need to talk.'**

'I thought we _were_ talking.'

**'Sherlock...'**

'Isn't that what we're doing? Speaking, exchanging ideas?'

**'No, you're prattling on about beds and moods.'**

'And your weight; don't forget that.'

**'How could I?'**

'So what do you want? I'm busy.'

**'You're hardly busy. You're on your couch playing with a...'**

'PSP.'

**'And what, may I ask, is a PSP?'**

'A Play Station Portable; it's a gaming system that you can take with you.'

**'I see.'**

'I found it in Anderson's desk. He was annoying me so I stole it.'

**'Of course you did.'**

'I'm currently playing something called _Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories_.'

**'Okay...'**

'You can kill people on it; did you know that?'

**'Marvellous. Now, Sherlock, we _really_ need to-'**

'I've been walking around hitting hookers with a baseball bat. It's amusing.'

**'As long as you're not doing it in your everyday life.'**

'Of course not- oh, yes, just make yourself at home. Would you like tea? Maybe some cake?'

**'Sherlock-'**

'What am I saying? Of course you'll have cake.'

**'SHERLOCK!'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Are you listening?'**

'How can I not? All you ever do is talk.'

**'We need to talk.'**

'You've been saying that.'

**'You need to listen.'**

'Whatever.'

**'I'm worried.'**

'About...?'

**'You and John.'**

'We're fine.'

**'Are you sure?'**

'Absolutely.'

**'Then why is it that John's been talking about you at the pub with Gregory?'**

'...'

**'And why is it that he's turned up at our flat with an overnight bag seven times these past three weeks?'**

'...'

**'That is not _fine_ , Sherlock, that is a problem. And if you don't sort it out you're going to lose John.'**

'...'

**'I'm making tea. Do you want anything?'**

'... no.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Now, let's talk.'**

'About...?'

**'John.'**

'Why do you want to talk about John?'

**'Gregory is... worried about him.'**

'...'

**'And I am too, Sherlock.'**

'Why? There's nothing wrong with him. He's perfectly healthy and happy.'

**'Perfectly healthy? Yes. Happy? No.'**

'Excuse me?'

**'I said no more than five minutes ago that John has been... what's the word? Ah, yes, bitching. John has been _bitching_ about you to Gregory at least four times a week these past two months. Add in the nights he spends on our couch, the fact that he ignores you during cases, _and_ the extra shifts he's taken at the surgery, and that tells you...?'**

'...'

**'That he's upset, Sherlock.'**

'Yes...'

**'With _you_.'**

'Well...'

**'And I want to know exactly why you're being a prick to the man you love.'**

'P-Prick?'

**'You're the one stuttering, not me.'**

'No... I mean yes... um... since when do you swear?'

**'Since my little brother decides to be an idiot and throw away the best thing that's ever happened to him.'**

'I'm not throwing anything away!'

**'Then why are you treating John like garbage?'**

'I'm not!'

**'You are!'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Sherlock, honestly, I don't know why you're acting like this. I know you can be a bastard, and you're impossible to live with, but for some reason you've become more of a problem these past few months.'**

'...'

**'So are you going to tell me what's wrong? Or is John going to become a permanent fixture in mine and Gregory's flat?'**

'No!'

**'No, what?'**

'You can't have him, he's mine!'

**'I don't want him!'**

'Then why are you taking him?'

**'I'm not, he's coming to me!'**

'...'

**'Sherlock, why are you doing this? Why are you ignoring John? Why are you treating him like crap? And why in the hell aren't you having sex with him?'**

'Well...'

**'I've been dating Gregory almost nine months now and we haven't gone a week without having sex.'**

'Mycroft-'

**'I know that's not something you want to hear but honestly, if _I_ can keep up then why can't you?'**

'Mycroft-'

**'You're ten years younger than me!'**

' _Mycroft_ -'

**'Why the hell are you breaking up with John?'**

'MYCROFT!'

**'...'**

'I'm _not_ breaking up with John!'

**'Then what the hell are you doing?'**

'I... I, um...'

**'Yes?'**

'I... I haven't... I mean, it's not my fault.'

**'...'**

'I... I didn't realise I was... doing that.'

**'... excuse me?'**

'Well, I knew I wasn't having sex with him, but-'

**'Sherlock!'**

'I didn't realise it'd gotten this bad.'

**'...'**

'I thought I was just... giving him space...'

**'...'**

'While I... um...'

**'While you...?'**

'I want to marry him.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'What?'**

'I want to marry John. I'm going to propose to him.'

**'...'**

'And that's why I haven't been sleeping with him. I've been so busy trying to figure everything out- I want to do this _right_.'

**'Sherlock, you have _got_ to be joking.'**

'Why do I _have_ to be joking?'

**'You've been treating John like shit because you want to marry him?'**

'No.'

**'...'**

'I... I've been busy trying to find a ring and figure out the right way to propose.'

**'Sherlock!'**

'What?'

**'John thinks you want to break up with him!'**

'What? Why?'

**'Oh, I don't know... maybe because you've been treating him like dirt?'**

'...'

**'Honestly, Sherlock.'**

'I didn't mean to.'

**'I know.'**

'I... what do I do?'

**'Tell John the truth.'**

'But I had it all planned out!'

**'And you're going to lose him if you don't tell him the truth as soon as possible.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'What are you waiting for?'**

'Right! Right! Er... scarf... scarf... where's my scarf?'

**'Here.'**

'Right.'

**'Sherlock?'**

'What?'

**'You might want to take your dressing gown off.'**

'...'

**'And put your shoes on... socks first!'**

'Right, right... right.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'My car's downstairs. I'll text Anthea and she'll take you to see John, who's currently at the pub with Gregory.'**

'... r-right.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'You go right there, tell John you're a bastard and that you're sorry, and ask him to marry you!'**

'... r-right.'

**'Well?'**

'Right, I'm going!'

**'Finally.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'Why are you still here?'**

'... thank you.'

**'Not a problem...'**

'...'

**'Honestly, how am I related to him? ... I should warn Anthea... and Gregory... Gregory? I'm fine, love. Erm... you might want to prepare yourself... I sent Sherlock to the pub.'**


	15. Sherlock's An Idiot and John's Confused

 

**Sherlock's dialogue is in bold.**

John's dialogue is normal.

 

'Greg? Greg? Where'd he get off to?'

**'John!'**

'Sherlock? What are you doing here?'

**'We... need... to talk...'**

'Er... why are you breathing so heavily?'

**'...'**

'See what happens when you smoke?'

**'Er...'**

'What do you want, Sherlock?'

**'I love you.'**

'... and?'

**'Right, I deserve that.'**

'Yeah, you do.'

**'I'm so sorry, John. I know we've...'**

'We've...?'

**'Can we go somewhere a little more private?'**

'Why should we? Why not fight in public?'

**'I don't want to fight.'**

'Yeah, well we always do.'

**'Right... and that's my fault.'**

'Yes it fucking is!'

**'Can we at least sit down?'**

'Fine. But I need a beer.'

**'Of course.'**

'And a cheeseburger.'

**'Of course.'**

'And you're paying.'

**'...'**

'Sherlock!'

**'Of course!'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'So we're here. What is it?'

**'I'm so, so, _so_ sorry for how I've been acting!'**

'...'

**'Mycroft recently brought it to my attention that I've been a little... ah-'**

'A cunt?'

**'John-'**

'A prick?'

**'John, please.'**

'A fucking arsehole?'

**'... I deserve that too.'**

'...'

**'John, really, I'm sorry. I was... I had a plan, you see, and I had it all figured out! But I didn't realise I was neglecting you as much as I have been.'**

'...'

**'Please say something.'**

'What do you want me to say? You've been a right tool these past few weeks, Sherlock. I don't know why you're bothering to apologise now when clearly you don't care.'

**'John, please, I _do_ care.'**

'Oh yeah?'

**'Yes.'**

'But it took Mycroft pointing out that you were being a tosser for you to even bother apologising.'

**'I know, I'm sorry. I... please, John, I really didn't realise I was being this... terrible.'**

'...'

**'I know it was all a... a bit not good.'**

'...'

**'John, I really do have a reason.'**

'Oh yeah? And what's that? You wanna break up with me?'

**'WHAT?'**

'That's the only reason I can think of, Sherlock! You've been treating me worse than when we first met! What am I supposed to think?'

**'That I love you.'**

'Well you have a funny way of showing it.'

**'John, please. I... I...'**

'What, Sherlock? _What_?'

**'I... hang on, I'm supposed to get down on one knee for this.'**

'... w-what?'

**'I haven't bought a ring yet because I couldn't find one good enough. But I promise I'll get you one.'**

'... _what_?'

**'I had a big plan, honestly I did. I was going to take you to Angelo's, where we had our first meal together- well you ate, but still. A-And we had our first real date there, remember?'**

'Sherlock, why are you kneeling? P-People are looking at us.'

**'Fine; let them look.'**

'Sherlock-'

**'John Hamish Watson, I'm so, _so_ sorry for how I've been treating you. I know I'm not the best boyfriend, and I know you put up with a lot from me.'**

'Sherlock-'

**'Hear me out, John, _please_.'**

'...'

**'I know I can be rude, stubborn, awful, and a real nightmare. I know I don't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. And I'm sorry that I've been such... such a _prick_ , these past few weeks. But I never meant to treat you like that.'**

'...'

**'I had a plan, John! But none of that matters now- the whole thing being perfect doesn't matter. All that matters is that I love you, and I hope you still love me.'**

'...'

**'John... will you marry me?'**

'...'

**'...'**

'W-What?'

**'Will you marry me, John?'**

'I... _what_?'

**'I'd planned to ask you properly- with a ring, after a lovely dinner... but that didn't work. So... I'm asking you now, John Hamish Watson, to be my husband.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'S-Seriously?'

**'Yes, John. I've never been more sure of anything in my life.'**

'And... you ignored me, and stopped having sex with me, 'cause you were planning to _propose_ to me?'

**'Yes. I've never done it before, I don't know how to do it, and... I admit I treated you badly. And I'll do anything, _anything_ , to make it up to you. Because I love you and what to spend the rest of my life with you.'**

'...'

**'John? Please say yes.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'You're paying for all our dinners until I think it's enough.'

**'Absolutely.'**

'And... and you're making breakfast, alright? _In bed_ when I have the day off.'

**'Yes, John.'**

'And sex whenever I want it, but _not_ whenever you want it.'

**'Yes, John, whatever it takes.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Yes.'

**'J-John?'**

'Yes, Sherlock.'

**'R-Really?'**

'Yes, you idiot, I'll marry you!'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'People are staring.'

**'I don't care; I just got engaged.'**

'Heh, I did too.'

**'I'll do everything right, John, I promise.'**

'Damn right you will. And start by taking me home and shagging me!'

**'Right away, love.'**

 

{oOo}

**Mycroft's dialogue is in bold.**

Greg's dialogue is normal.

 

'So... let me get this straight... Sherlock was actin' like a prick 'cause... he wants to _marry_ John?'

**'Yes.'**

'... in what bloody world does that make sense?'

**'Little Brother rarely makes sense, Gregory. I know; I grew up with him.'**

'Yeah...'

**'They'll be fine, Gregory.'**

'You sure about that?'

**'They love each other and John is used to my brother acting like an idiot. He'll forgive him, after Sherlock does some grovelling, and they'll get married.'**

'I hope so. For all Sherlock's weirdness, he's perfect for John.'

**'Yes, he is.'**

'And John makes him...'

**'Less insane?'**

'Easier to handle, I was gonna say.'

**'They're both true.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Gregory...'**

'Yeah.'

**'I think they've definitely made up.'**

'Yeah...'

**'I didn't realise John was that strong.'**

'Yeah...'

**'Is that all you're going to say?'**

'What am I supposed to say when I see two mates walk in, snogging, and practicaly fucking against the door?'

**'... well _John_ was walking.'**

'We should leave now.'

**'Why?'**

'Mycroft, they're having sex! Right there, in their bedroom!'

**'Well this _is_ their flat.'**

'... Sherlock's a screamer, apparently.'

**'Let's go.'**

'Heheh.'

**'Shut up.'**


	16. Happy, Thoughtful, Smart, and Wondering

 

**John's dialogue is in bold**

Greg's dialogue is normal.

 

'You're _way_ too happy.'

**'I'm getting married.'**

'So you keep telling everyone.'

**'I just love the look on Anderson's face when I remind him.'**

'It's definitely hilarious.'

**'Like he's swallowed a lemon.'**

'And been asked to shag Sherlock himself- _ow_!'

**'Don't even joke about that!'**

'Easy.'

**'Sherlock's _mine_.'**

'Everyone who meets you knows that Sherlock's yours.'

**'Yeah, well...'**

'Doesn't help that Sherlock snogs you and grabs your arse when women flirt with you.'

**'I like it.'**

''Course you do.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Another beer?'**

'Ta.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'So...'**

'So...?'

**'You think you and Mycroft will ever tie the knot?'**

'Whoa, where'd that come from?'

**'Well I'm getting married, to Mycroft's _brother_ , it's gotta make you think about it.'**

'...'

**'You _have_ been thinking about it.'**

'Well... yeah, just a bit.'

**'So...?'**

'... I could see myself marrying Mycroft.'

**'Yeah?'**

'I'd never really considered marriage, you know, since me and the ex got divorced.'

**'Yeah.'**

'I just thought I'd never do it again. I mean, I pretty much stopped being attracted to women after the wife. And I never thought I'd marry a _man_. But then... Mycroft happened.'

**'...'**

'He's just... amazing.'

**'I know. I mean, _I_ don't want him, and I thought he was a prick when I first met him-'**

'Oi!'

**'- but he's grown on me. _And_ he knocked some sense into his idiotic brother.'**

'He's amazing.'

**'Yeah, I got that.'**

'...'

**'You reckon you'll ask? Or Mycroft?'**

'I dunno. Mycroft's the one who first said "I love you". _And_ he asked _me_ to move in. So... I suppose it'll be him. You know, if he ever wants to get married.'

**'I kinda thought he _was_ married when we first met.'**

'Why?'

**'Ring on his right hand. I've met people who wear their wedding rings on their right hand.'**

'Yeah. I kinda thought he was married too. But then, well...'

**'Yeah.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Maybe you should, you know, talk to him about it.'**

'Oh, yeah; "Hey, Mycroft, you ever wanna marry me?"'

**'Well not like _that_.'**

'...'

**'Just... bring it up.'**

'Right.'

**'Only way to know.'**

'Unless he suddenly gets down on one knee and asks.'

**'Yeah.'**

'Or asks me after sex.'

**'What?'**

'Mycroft gets quite... er, _vocal_ , during and after sex.'

**'Does he?'**

'Mm. Always praises me, says he loves me, that I'm fantastic.'

**'Oh God.'**

'What?'

**'I'll never look at him the same.'**

'At least you've never heard it.'

**'I _told_ you you should knock.'**

'I didn't expect you two to be goin' at it on the coffee table.'

**'Well... Sherlock just walked in naked and I-'**

' _So_ don't need to hear it.'

**'But-'**

'Shut up and drink your beer.'

**'Yes, Gregory.'**

'...'

**'Does Mycroft call you Gregory?'**

'...'

**'Or does he shout it?'**

'Shut up!'

**'...'**

'Stop laughing.'

**'...'**

'I'm warning you, John.'

**'...'**

'Bastard.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Another beer?'**

'...'

**'I'm buying.'**

'Ta.'

 

{oOo}

 

 

**Mycroft's dialogue is in bold.**

Sherlock's dialogue is normal.

 

'Okay, what is it?'

**'What?'**

'You've been sitting there staring at the wall since you got here.'

**'... I like your wallpaper?'**

'And you used to be _such_ a good liar.'

**'...'**

'What's wrong?'

**'You really want to know?'**

'I'd rather you not sit there and stare at the wall while I'm trying to read; it's annoying.'

**'Of course it is.'**

'So?'

**'...'**

'Mycroft-'

**'I... I've been thinking about...'**

'...'

**'... marriage.'**

'... okay.'

**'...'**

'I suppose you've been thinking about proposing to Gregory?'

**'Well... just marriage in general.'**

'I see.'

**'...'**

'And this is bothering you?'

**'A little bit.'**

'Just ask him.'

**'What if it's too soon?'**

'It _is_ too soon.'

**'Sherlock...'**

'Don't sigh, Mycroft. You and Gregory have been dating... what, a year?'

**'Fifteen months.'**

'Yes, well... it may be a bit soon. I asked John and we'd been dating almost three years. But it's your relationship, not mine. If it feels right to you, then ask. Or, wait until Gregory asks.'

**'...'**

'What? What's with the look?'

**'When did you get so... intelligent?'**

'I've _always_ been intelligent.'

**'Not with relationships.'**

'Well between the two of us I've had the longest relationship. Your longest before Lestrade was twelve weeks.'

**'I thought Dermont was lovely.'**

'He was sexually aroused when you _burned him_ , Mycroft.'

**'We all have our... kinks.'**

'That thought is thoroughly horrifying.'

**'...'**

'Mycroft, just... think about it some more, okay? Don't jump into this just because John and I are getting married. There's no rush; you and Gregory live together, after all.'

**'That's true.'**

'...'

**'Thank you, Sherlock.'**

'Not a problem, Mycroft.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Gregory and John should be back soon.'**

'Yes.'

**'So... another crack at my weight?'**

'And you can call me childish.'

**'It's what they expect, after all.'**

'Of course.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'They know we love each other.'**

'Of course they do.'

**'So why do we continue to argue?'**

'It's what we do.'

**'And it's fun.'**

'That too.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'I should send out a memo to all cake shops; "Beware, Mycroft Holmes".'

**'Your level of childishness astounds me, Little Brother.'**

'Ponce.'

**'Brat.'**

'Bastard.'

**'Bitch.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Biscuit?'

**'Please.'**


	17. Love, Love, Love and... Love!

**Sherlock's dialogue is in bold.**

John's dialogue is normal.

 

'I can't believe it. Four more months and we'll be _married_.'

**'Yes, we will.'**

'I didn't think about this when we first met.'

**'No?'**

'Definitely not. I was straight.'

**' _John_.'**

'Well, mostly straight.'

**'And then you met me.'**

'And then I met you.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'I love you so much, Sherlock.'

**'I love you too. And thank you for forgiving me.'**

'Yeah, well, can't stay mad at you for long.'

**'Thank God.'**

'Especially after fantastic sex in the shower.'

**'What is it with you and shower sex?'**

'Dunno. Somethin' about the water and soap and...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'... John?'**

'Wanna take a shower?'

**'We had one two hours ago. Which, if you remember, led to shower sex, and then floor sex, and then sofa sex, and then sex in an actual bed, which is why we're here, lying in bed, tired with sore arses.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Shower?'

**'Absolutely.'**

 

{oOo}

 

**'John, we really need to take a break.'**

'We have three months to make up for.'

**'...'**

'Well, _you_ have three months to make up for.'

**'But John, my arse hurts!'**

'So top.'

**'My cock hurts.'**

'Good.'

**'If we keep going like this we'll be too tired to shag on the honeymoon.'**

'Nah we won't.'

**'Won't we?'**

'Nope. 'Cause every time you say no, I give you a sexy look, and you cave.'

**'... do not.'**

'Do too.'

**'Do _not_.'**

'Do _too_.'

**'...'**

'Ha, you know I'm right.'

**'Fuck you.'**

'Ooh, yes please.'

**' _Noo_!'**

'...'

**'J-John, I'm tired.'**

'...'

**'John, _please_.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Oh God, don't stop.'**

'...'

**'Please don't ever, _ever_ stop!'**

'...'

**'Fuck, John, _yes_!'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Told you I was right.'

**'Just fuck me!'**

'I love you.'

**'Love you too.'**

 

{oOo}

 

 

**Mycroft's dialogue is in bold.**

Greg's dialogue is normal.

 

'There's definitely something wrong with us.'

**'Why do you say that?'**

'Sex _can't_ keep getting better, Mycroft. It's supposed to, you know, get comfortable.'

**'I beg to differ.'**

'Mm...'

**'Is that your way of saying our sex life is satisfactory?'**

'Oh it's _more_ than satisfactory. Or is my screaming not enough of a hint?'

**'...'**

'Wipe that smug look off your face.'

**'You just said I was fantastic in bed.'**

'Did not.'

**'You alluded to it.'**

'Maybe I was saying _I'm_ fantastic in bed.'

**'Oh you definitely are.'**

'Come 'ere.'

 

{oOo}

 

'See? Better and better and better and better and-'

**'Yes, Gregory, I get it.'**

'Do you?'

**'Yes.'**

'Good.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'We should probably get food at some point.'**

'Yeah, I don't want you fainting.'

**'Because then I couldn't satisfy you whenever you please.'**

'Yup.'

**'I knew it; you only want me for my body.'**

'And your money, don't forget that. Oh, and chocolate; you keep the flat well stocked.'

**'Of course. How can I keep a man like you around without chocolate?'**

'Heheh...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Gregory?'**

'Mm?'

**'Do you ever think about... about marriage?'**

'Um... not when I was younger, no. But then I _did_ get married and... well, you saw how that turned out. I kinda gave up on the idea of making a marriage last and actually loving every second of it...'

**'I sense a but there.'**

'Yeah, well... Sherlock and John are getting married so... you know, it makes a bloke think.'

**'About... us?'**

'Nah, I'm thinkin' of marrying your PA.'

**'Gregory!'**

'I'm joking, love.'

**'Good.'**

'Yeah, I've been thinking about it. Havin' a ring on your finger that says, "Back the fuck off, this is the property of Gregory Johnathan Lestrade".'

**'That's quite a statement.'**

'Well it's true.'

**'It is, isn't it?'**

'Yup. Just like I'm yours.'

**'...'**

'You thinkin' about marriage?'

**'Yes, I have been.'**

'Well... we've been together... what, sixteen months now. Wow, a year and a half.'

**'It's been the best year and a half of my life.'**

'Mine too.'

**'I'm not sure if now is the right time; I don't want us to get married just because my brother and John are. But... I _do_ want to marry you, at some point.'**

'Yeah?'

**'Yes.'**

'I'd like to be Greg Holmes one day.'

**'Really?'**

'Well, in the bedroom.'

**'And would I be Mycroft Lestrade?'**

'Absolutely.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Mycroft...'

**'Yes, Gregory?'**

'Did we just get engaged?'

**'... well, neither of us really asked.'**

'And we don't have rings.'

**'Sherlock didn't have a ring.'**

'True.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Mycroft?'

**'Yes, love?'**

'Will... will you marry me?'

**'Yes.'**

'Yeah?'

**'Nothing would make me happier.'**

'Alright then.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'Gregory?'**

'Yeah?'

**'Did we just get engaged?'**

'... yeah, we did.'

**'Naked, in our bed, after a fantastic round of sex?'**

'Yeah.'

**'Wonderful.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'We can have a long engagement.'

**'Yes, we can.'**

'Or... we could elope.'

**'I like that idea.'**

'Maybe after Sherlock and John get married.'

**'Absolutely.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'Oh God, I love you so much!'

**'I love you too.'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'More fantastic sex?'**

'Fuck yes.'

**'I love you, Gregory.'**

'Love you too.'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'...'

**'...'**

'You _do_ realise-'

**'Why are you still talking?'**

'- that we owe our relationship to Sherlock and John, right?'

**'... damn it!'**

 

{THE END}

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of this story. Thank you for all your lovely comments, I appreciate them all :]
> 
> Cheers,
> 
> {IBegToDreamAndDiffer}

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Family Reunion - Holmes Style](https://archiveofourown.org/works/710832) by [Linnet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linnet/pseuds/Linnet)




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